Connecting To The Future
by Tigerninja9
Summary: Half a year after the end of the series, Hikaru and Akira are doing well. They're pushing their ways out of their parents' houses, and they've been dating in secret for quite some time. Akira is open with his sexuality, but will Hikaru have the courage to be the same with his own? Rated M. Disclaimer: I do not own Hikaru no Go.
1. Things That Should Go Unsaid

hello hello! ^-^ it's been quite awhile since i've started a new fanfic, huh?

this is for an old time (it ran in shonen jump 1998-2002 i believe) manga/anime series that isn't very popular but I just love it to bits.

I'll be going off the events of the manga, and everything else of the manga, in the making of this story, so you might be confused if you only watched the anime!

I would've liked to completely finished the story before I put up the first chapter, but I guess I just didn't have the patience for that, haha.

Rated M because I'm still not sure how I'm going to play out the remainder chapters, but we're going to play it safe.

If anyone of you haven't read/watch Hikaru no go, I recommend you do! Only 23 volumes. I don't know about the anime. I don't like the anime very much. ^-^"

that's enough of me rambling, huh? Let's go on with the story

oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Akira stared at me with a concentration that seemed to never waver. I swallowed hard as it started to make me feel uneasy.

"Why," he said, asking, but in a tone that said it was more of a command to answer him.

"Because..." I scratched my head. "Why not?"

"They hate me," He quickly rebutted.

I frowned. "They do not!"

"Do too."

"Nuh uh!"

"Mhmm,"

"You're supposed to say 'yeah huh,' baka!"

He shrugged and sat back in his chair, crossing his legs. "Doesn't mean I'm not right. They hate me. They think I'm a self centered asshole, and that I think I'm too good for anyone but myself." He said tiredly, which gave me the impression that he already knew this conversation was futile, because he knew he was right.

"You've barley ever talked to them, 'Kira," I said, all too familiar with his name, accidentally turning "bright" into "killer." Oops. "How would you know what they thought?"

Akira turned his head and looked me straight on. "Because," he formulated an answer, keeping the same fatigued look on his face. "I can tell. I can always tell." He tapped the side of his head. "Also, you see these things? They're called ears. It's pretty cool since they help me hear things."

I almost got pissed at the amount of sarcassum moving through his voice. "What does ears have to do with anything?"

He was starting to get impatient, I could tell, and instead of blowing up and pushing me across the room in anger he just sighed and put his chin in his hand, almost.. What? Sadly? "Because they talk about me behind my back, Hikaru." He said my name with such a roll off the tongue it gave me goosebumbs. "And they've talked about me with you. So you already _know_ they think that."

"But you're Akira Toya. You're not supposed to care what other's think."

He sighed and straightened his posture again, as if trying to prove something, cracking his nimble fingers aimlessly. "I don't. But they won't want to be around me."

I tried not to get distracted by his fingers and attempted to come up with another reason he should come. Waya, Isumi and I were going out for lunch tomorrow, and I thought I'd invite Akira. It'd be like a double date! But Waya and Isumi wouldn't know that, and even though Akira and I totally ship those two they're not going out. So to them it's like four single guys, and for us like 2 gay couples. Amazing.

"But Akirrrrrrraaa," I whined. "For me? I'll blow you," I came up with incentive. He just rolled his eyes.

After a bit of consideration he sighed. "Fine. But not because of that. You don't have to do that," he looked up at me.

I shook my head. "I wanna!"

Akira snorted. "Fine, if you say so. It's always blow jobs with you, isn't it?" He started to heighten his voice into a higher pitched whine, imitating me. "'Akiiiirrraa, let's go see a movie! Akiiira, I want chinese food. C'mon, I'll give you head!'" He laughed a bit at his joke. I laughed a bit back because it was pretty much true. "Anyway," he continued. "It's starting to feel like you just like giving them."

"Are you gonna come or not, Akira?" I cut in, stopping the talk about blowjobs.

"I said yes, Hikaru," he said sternly.

"You're the best" I grinned at him. He rolled his eyes and then shrieked in surprise, turning around in his chair. "Damnit, Tsusaki," He grumbled, picking up his black cat.

"He scratch you again?" I asked. He nodded, setting the feline on his lap. With that, I yawned and looked around. "How long are you parents staying in China?" I asked.

"Another two weeks, I think." He answered, playing with the Tsusaki's paws.

"Cool," I stretched. "Can I spend the night?"

Akira looked up at me. "Sure. Just to sleep, or...?"

I thought. "How early's our next pro game?"

"Ah... About ten?"

"Okay, then more than just sleeping," I grinned. He rolled his eyes, though he smiled this time, sorta like, _What are we gonna do with you?_

The next day I sat waiting at the diner with Isumi and Waya. Akira was nowhere to be seen. Although we left together and I saw him up until we left the tournament place, I lost track of him. A part of me was thinking he was just gonna ditch me, even after last night. But after only about 3 minutes of suffering worry, Akira came walking in casually, adjusting his tie under his sweater. He looked so prim and proper, which I always liked about him, but Waya grimaced in disgust.

"And here I thought he wouldn't come," he grumbled.

"He's not that bad," I countered, sounding pretty defensive, which I hope he and Isumi didn't catch. Luckily they did not, and Akira came scrolling toward the table right after Waya mummbled, "Bullshit," under his breath.

He sat in the booth next to me, across from Isumi. As usual, he looked fatigued, but not like tired fatigue. He had that look a lot, though it was hard to explain, and hard to figure out what he was thinking. He leaned forward and put his elbow against the table, putting his cheek in his hand. This was one of the moments you would see Akira relax his go-whipped posture of the gods. Seriously, I used to wonder how he managed that all the time, until I spent more time with him and learned, _he didn't._ He was really laid back and funny when you got to know him, really. Also, extremely, inexcusably gay. Yashiro told me he asked upfront if he gay and Akira didn't even try to deny it.

I smiled at him. "Hey, Akira,"

I glared at me intensely. "That's Akira The Almighty to you,"

I laughed. So did Isumi, a liitle. Waya just kinda rolled his eyes and snorted. Akira's expression softened as he glanced at Waya and Isumi, who probably thought they were going to hate him even more after that. Even though he didn't let it affect him, I could tell he cared what people thought about him, even if it was just a little. Especially if those people are his boyfriend's friends.

As everyone boiled down, pretty much just me, they grabbed menus and started looking through them, as did I. But of course. Akira didn't. For a minute I thought I saw a glint of conflict in his eyes; He never ate lunch, mostly on go playing days, and usually doesn't even leave his game board during break. But he didn't wanna stick out more by _not _eating, so would he eat just to seem less distinguishable from us? I would probably just get some ramen anyway.

Isumi was the first one to take notice of Akira's laziness in picking up and looking at a menu, though. "Not eating, Toya-senpai?"

He shook his head slightly and leaned back of the bench. "Not hungry," he said simply. Then in examining the tiled floor, he added, "You don't have to call me senpai, you know."

Isumi knit his eyebrows thoughtfully at Akira. "But you're a higher dan than me," He said softly.

"But you're older than me," Akira replied back. He was looking at the table seriously, like he was determined.

Eventually Isumi nodded and backed out. "Good point. I'm sorry," I didn't really know what he was apologizing for, but for Isumi he felt it was a needed gesture.

"It's alright," Akira said softly, and I could almost feel him fighting the urge to tell him it wasn't necessary to apologize either.

There was some stray conversation until the waitress came and asked us for our orders. I just took ramen, Waya had some sushi and Isumi had curry. Akira just took coffee. Way to fit in, baby. We mostly talked about go until the waitress came back. Akira stayed silent through most of the conversations, offering a laughed or an amused scoff as verification that he was listening. He put a specific amount of sugar and cream in his coffee, looking like he was thankful to have something to do with his hands. Again, I've always liked his hands. His fingers were long and nimble, but also callused from excessive go playing. I tried to snap out of it and get back focused into talking about the match I was having with some 4 dan.

Then Waya looked at me and sorta blurted out, "Okay, so, no offence, but why'd you invite Toya anyway?" The lack of a suffice showed either familiarity or lack of caring. I'm pretty sure it was the latter.

Akira didn't look up, focused on his coffee, refusing to egg Waya on. I frowned. "He's my friend."

Akira glanced up at me without moving his head, dark locks falling over his face, and a small smirk cracking on his face, like, _You forgot the 'boy' part._

Waya scowled. "Why would you wanna be friends with Akira? I thought you hated eachother," he tried.

I pouted, "We're rivals, not _enemies!_ I don't hate him."

"Actually," Akira cut it, after stirring his coffee and bringing the mug to his lips. "We're not friends."

I tried not to but I gapped stupidly at him. I felt really offended and a bit, hurt, to be honest. Isumi and Waya looked at him, waiting for him to elaborate.

"Um," Isumi's voice shrunk. "What are you, then?"

And I watched as Akira sipped his coffee and said with the most serious face ever, which I noticed was his face while playing go against me, "We're lovers," I almost choked to death on my ramen.

"W-What?!" I coughed, setting my ramen down and trying to whip the remaining noodles off my face.

Isumi and Waya had similar reactions. Isumi just raised his eyebrows in extreme surprise while Waya's jaw dropped. "WHAT?"

Akira just broke out laughing. That apparently was the cue that made Waya and Isumi think it was a joke. Though I was still blushing uncontrollably.

"You're gay?" Isumi asked.

Akira nodded and sipped his coffee. "Insanely." See? He was completely open with his sexuality. Probably another reason he tried not to care what people thought. I secretly wished I could do that, to be so incredibly okay with myself that everyone else's opinions didn't phase me. Even before I had romantic feelings for Akira, I've always noticed that about him, and wondered how he could do it. Before I just thought it was self centered pride, but it's more about self acceptance. _He's really amazing.._.. I found myself thinking, even now, after confessing our relationship. They never did buy it, not from this situation, so I didn't have to worry about them being disapproving of us.

Waya looked at me, then at Akira. "So you're single, then?"

Akira raised his eyebrows in surprise, and looked at me, as if asking what he should respond. I somehow conveyed a look of saying to keep it secret, which was probably just from my lack of response. Akira closed his eyes with his mug pressed against his chin, then responded, "In a way," taking another small sip. "You could say that," he answered vague as possible.

Waya just rolled his eyes, not responding. He probably just didn't know how. Or didn't care enough to ask what he meant by that. Either way, I was safe, we were safe, and Akira threw a slight smile at me from behind the mug. My cheeks warmed and I smiled back.

Once Akira was done with his cup of joe, he nodded a goodbye, and said he was going back to study his game. I could tell he was profusely _fighting_ the urge not to kiss my cheek or show some other form of affection as he left. He pulled out his part of the bill out of his wallet and set it on the table, then stood, stretching as he walked away, and returned to his perfect posture. These were one of the moments I tended to notice how tall and lanky he was, even with wearing a dress shirt and sweater on top he still was skinny. Not anything like the short twelve year old I met him as.

It was silent for a bit, and I sighed, looking up at Isumi and Waya. "See, he's not _that _bad. He's actually really nice." I concluded. Isumi nodded and Waya looked intently at the table in front of him, in thought, then he nodded as well. I felt a wave of triumph run over me. I'd tell Akira everything went well and he'd be happy. It was awesome when he was happy.

"He kinda acts like he likes you," Waya said, scratching his head. "Like more than a friend."

The hairs on the back of my neck stood up, incapable of response. "No way dude," I bluffed. Waya looked back at the table, in deep thought. I was worried he found us out.

"Well then," Waya said, pulling himself out of his thoughts. Then he put on his wicked grin he had when he had an idea. "I think I'll ask him out!"


	2. Things In The Park

So there was a few things I learned that day:  
1. Waya was gay  
2. And not with Isumi  
3. Waya _didn't_ hate Akira, or at least liked him enough to want to date him  
4. I would have to figure out how I was going to deal with this situation sooner or later, and that honestly scared me  
5. I wasn't the only person who thought my boyfriend was _extremely_ attractive, apparently.  
6 And I felt an extreme wave of jealousy run over me when he said that, and I kinda wanted to punch him.  
I've been thinking about this the whole time after the diner, as I walked back to my game, as I played my game, and luckily managed to win. I thought about it when I put on my shoes and headed outside, as I saw Akira waiting on the bench for me, a book in his lap. He must've finished early, or was just faster than me. I turned around and saw Waya and Isumi headed towards the doorway, where I was standing. Quickly I dashed over to Akira and sat next to him before Waya could get near him.  
He looked up slightly surprised. "Hikaru? You alright? You look like you just saw a ghost," He remarked.  
I scoffed. "I wish!" I said, thinking of Sai. He would know how to deal with this. But he was also under the impression I was straight, so... I don't know. But he'd _get_ this! I know it! Ghosts understand everything, right? With awesome hindsight and shit. Akira was looking at me worried, and I noticed he closed his book.  
"Are you sure you're alright?" He asked softly, placing his hand on top of mine on the bench. I flushed and looked up at him and his dark hair. "I-I'm sure! Wanna go for a walk in the park?" I asked, changing the subject.  
He didn't push. He shifted the way he was sitting so he was facing me, draping his arm over the side of the bench. "Can it be the old one no one goes to? So we can hold hands and stuff," He lowered his voice so no one could hear him besides me.  
I smiled. "Yeah." And soon he stood, stretching, his back to a watching Waya and Isumi. Was it just me, or did Isumi look upset? I followed Akira's example. He turned to see if anyone was watching, his hand itching towards mine, but as he locks eyes briefly with the both of them, his hand relaxed. He knew how much I didn't want them to know. And with that, we walked to the park.

* * *

When we got to the park, I wanted nothing more to tell him. But I also did _not_ want to tell him. See my dilemma? Like expected, there was absolutely no one around, and we walked around, hand in hand. Akira had a faint blush on his face and a slight smile as he looked around at the scenery. Without turning to me, he asked, "It's nice not to be stuffed in a building playing a board game for once, huh?" I smiled and replied with a small, "Yeah."  
Then he turned toward me anxiously. "Um, you and the others didn't talk shit about me once I left, right?"  
I glanced up at him and smiled a bit, shaking my head. "I would never let them," I answered simply. He turned and grabbed my other hand too, then in brief consideration he dropped both my arms and wrapped his arms around me in an embrace. "I know I don't tell you this enough," he began softly. "But I love you."  
I smiled warmly and held him back. "I love you too," I replied with flushed cheeks. "But you're completely correct, Aki-chan, you don't say that enough. Almost never," I joked. He had this thing where he would tell me 'I love you' almost every time we saw each other, like he was afraid we wouldn't have another visit. I just wanted this moment to last, I thought I wouldn't have to tell him. He didn't really need to know, anyway.

He pulled back a little so his mouth could reach my ear, "Did you seriously just call me Aki-chan?" He hushed in a whisper.  
I blushed a little. "Yeah," I paused before adding, "You can call me Hika-chan, If you'd like," I laughed softly.  
"Hika-chan," He repeated it, tasting it on his tongue. "I like it." He snuggled his head into the side of mine. And in a hushed voice, I heard him breath, "I don't like hiding, Hika-chan," I could feel his smile against my skin.  
I smiled and pulled back from the hug. "Akira," I began, and the taller boy leaned his head down so our faces were close again, the side of our noses against each other. "I have to tell you something, about after you left the diner." I finished, keeping my voice down since he was so close.  
He kinda looked alarmed for a minute, then nodded. "Alright," He set our foreheads together. "Let me hear it," It was a bit amusing to me since he thought it would be something bad. (it _was _something bad, but better than 'Akira sucks dick and we hate him' or something to that effect)"Well... Waya said he wanted to ask you out," I said biting my lip, a wave of jealousy washing over me again. Akira was mine. Grr. Hiss.  
Akira let up a bit and looked at me in surprised. Then he snorted and lost his composure, "If you're making this up, that's grade-a comedy right there." He laughed a bit. "I could barley nab you as my boyfriend, Hikaru...Hika-chan," He tried out the nickname again.  
I pouted my lips a bit. "Hey, you're cute, Akira,"  
Akira laughed and actually nodded. "Yeah, maybe, but I'm not like, _hot_ I'm not like a dare-devil bad ass bastard who gets all the guys," He laughed again. "We play a board game for a living, Hikaru. And," He grabbed one of my hands again, then pulled our torsos together with an arm he hooked around my waist. "My heart belongs to Hikaru Shindo," he grinned at me. I blushed and leaned up, waiting as he would lean down and kiss me. And kiss me he did. The kiss was both warm and quietly passion-filled, out of all the emotions in the air, and during this passionate, little-bit-of-tongue kiss in the park I heard a familiar high voice say in confusion, "Hikaru?" It took us a few seconds to untangle ourselves and for me to turn to see with Akira who the voice belonged to. My eyes widened. My face was even more flushed, mostly out of embarrassment now.  
There stood Akari Fujisaki, looking confused and wide eyed between me and Akira. 


	3. Things You'll Never Know

Akira Toya sat in awkward silence, quietly eating dinner with his parents, or rather, parent. His mother had not been home, as she was visiting her sick brother and insisted they continue without her. The boy was of the raw age of only 13, a young middle schooler with superb grades. Not to mention, recently proclaimed professional go player. He decided it would be easier to tell his father now. Ideally, he wished to tell his mother, and then be with her as he told his father, so she could back him up. Women were more accepting of this sort of thing, weren't they? But since he had come to an alone situation with his father instead, he thought on his feet and decided this would be the best. And his father... Oh, Akira's dreaded father, would not hold for anything but the best out of his son. At this point in his life, he had done everything but physically hurt him to make sure that happened. Being their only son, he was expected to carry on the Toya name, and bring honor to the family, etc etc. He wouldn't let anyone know but he resented his father, he had a severe amount of anger welled up inside him towards the man. But, regardless, he was his father. He always told himself he wasn't as bad as he thought. And he deserved to know.  
"Father," he addressed, careful not to stutter. He had already failled his father so many times. He couldn't fuck up now. It would make this even worse.  
Koyo Toya looked up at his son in relative curiosity. The silence had been deeply thread into this evening, and he had teared it at the seams. Akira had been seemingly high strung this whole evening, so he decided that he was worried about an upcoming match of go. He was always so dedicated to the game, so he wanted to grant his son the silence he seemed to yearn, so he could think. But this was something else entirely. Akira was acted strange. "Yes, Akira?" He said after just a moment of consideration.  
"I-I..." The boy stuttered, his will failing him. He could feel himself shaking a bit, and in attempt to cease the shaking he gripped his hands on the lap of his pants, creasing the fabric. He swallowed hard and continued, "I don't...like girls," he managed to let out. He wished he told his mother first. He would need the reassurance. This was too much.  
His father took on a look of confusion. "Akira? Whatever do you mean?" The Meijin questioned. His obliviousness made this harder for Akira.  
"I-I'm not...attracted to women," He forced out. "I-I... li.. like boys," he was preparing for the worst.  
His father yet again feigned ignorance, as if trying to get a full grasp of what absurd things his son was saying. "As in... Romantically?"  
Akira let himself give a stiff nod. _So you're a fagot, _he was expecting. _You can't be serious. Get out of my home._ His shaking was uncontrollable at this point.  
"I... don't approve of it, but it is your choice."  
Akira felt as he could throw up. By the sound of his statement it sounded like he was marginalizing the first part by adding the _'it's your choice.'_ He scoffed with a shaken voice and remarked, "D-Don't approve?" He looked over at his father, trying to hide his anger from his face. He masked it as disappointment. "I-I can't change it, fa-ather..." He managed, it getting harder and harder to talk as his throat wanted to contract. But the need to talk was getting fiercer. He would defend his position until he ripped his vocal cords in his had to.  
"Not alone, no," He said, bringing his eyes back to his supper. "They have programs to help you with that," He elaborated simply.  
Akira sat still, staring at the Meijin in utter disbelieve. Akira, well, he wanted to scream. He wanted to yell and flip over the table and kick over his chair. He wanted to show his dad he could go against him. That this wasn't just another problem that needed fixing.  
To his surprise, he managed to keep his temper down, but still blew up, at least on a small level. He stood up and slammed his hands on the table. "You're not going to be able to_ fix _this! It's who I am!"  
Toya Meijin looked up at his son in surprise. He narrowed his eyes, as if he was playing a particularly difficult game of go. "I've been you're father since you've been born," He began, cutting up a piece of meat in his dinner. "How long have you been like this? A week, maybe? It's just a phase you're going through, Akira. It isn't as much a part of you as that silly girlish haircut of yours. It's best to simply cut it off before it has the chance to grow into something truly horrendous."  
Oh, that did it. How dare he insult his hair. In the state he was in he was almost tempted to just snatch a scissor and lob part of it off, though, maybe in a metaphorical sense it would prove him right. So besides liking his haircut that was the reason he decided that was just an insane idea. He couldn't stand this anymore. "Hah," he let out a scoff and turned his head away from his father, his dark locked hair cascading down his face. "Fuck this," He said quietly, but loud enough his knew he could hear him, and turned back towards his father, his anger obviously apparent and gleaming at this point. He felt an urge of satisfaction by the looks of astonishment on his father's face, just from the single word of profanity. He said carefully, as it added suspense and filtered the nervous shaking of this voice, "I don't care... what you think. About this, or anything else. I am gay." He said the last three words with a little pause in between, and specifically put emphasis on the last one. He started to gain confidence. He had never truly admitted it out loud until that day. "And if you don't like it, too bad." He turned away, leaving his chair un-pushed in and his dinner barly eaten, turning a cold shoulder towards his father, turning to stamp up the stairs and to his room. He was turning away from life as if was. The Meijin just looked at his son leave in complete, and utter shock. Akira felt almost smug as he tapped his way up the stairs and surprisingly calmly went into his room. He went straight towards his futon and plopped down on it, staring at the ceiling. He felt a sudden weight be lifted off his shoulders.  
The next day Akira didn't go to school. As punishment, his father and a very confused mother made him attend a class to help "set him straight." Fairly literally. But Akira wouldn't have it. He had so much pent up anger and was so fed up with everything being thrust upon him, being the best and the perfect son, that he completely belittled the councilors in charge. He would shout up homosexual comments and refused to listen to anyone and declined to do anything that was homophobic. (Which was, by definition, pretty much everything in the seminar) At about noon, when he was drawing dicks on the lunch table, they just full on kicked him out. He waited for about 4 hours before his mother picked him up, at the time the class was scheduled to end. Since his father was at a go match, his mother was the only one who came to the place then, and he told her what happened last night that provoked his father. Like he thought, she was excepting, even a little angry at his father, and that night he stayed up listening to his parents agrue about the situation.  
From that day on Akira's father didn't object. He never grilled Akira on anything and let him do things his way. Akira went as far as stopping taking his father's study group. For about a month after, he returned to the go salon from long before that he visited every so often, and studied there. He sat exactly where he met Shindo Hikaru a little over a year ago. And he never got kicked out of the house, surprisingly. For some reason he was very concerned with that possibility.  
And Akira took extra care of his hair. He let it grow and fringe and he brushed it and ran his fingers through it constantly, especially as he walked out of the house, so his father could see. He was as proud of his hair as his sexuality, and he let it show. He wasn't about to hide from anyone. He figured lying to others and to himself hurt extraordinarily worse than the things people could say about him for it. He never worried about what people thought again.

But Hikaru Shindo wasn't so lucky.

* * *

"A-A...Akari," I said in surprise. "What are you doing here?"  
Akari blinked and looked down. "I was walking my dog. This park's always empty, so..."  
"You have a dog?" I said in confusion. I also somehow managed to change the flow of the conversation, though. Akari nodded.  
"I got him when he was a pup..." She said, eyebrows furrowed, the dog curled up by her foot. "He's about three now," She added with a small voice. Had it really been that long? I last talked to her at graduation. But she never mentioned a dog. Akira fixed his grip on my hand, and as I looked up at him he gave me a reassuring look. That made me feel a bit better and I looked back towards Akari, who looked around awkwardly.  
"U-Um," I started, "Y-You remember Toya-kun?"  
She nodded slowly. She looked so different, it had been almost a year. Akira and I, since we're pros, we didn't go to high school, and by contrast, she was still in her uniform. She was obviously taller but felt shorter since I was taller as well (Akira still towered over me, though. Okay, not really. But he was pretty tall). She looked kinda like... A women. Opposed to the little girl I knew her as. After her nod, she let out a small, "A little," Then looked up at Akira, her cheeks still red from walking in on us. "You're the guy who was obsessed with Hikaru, right?" She said a bit jokingly. At least she still had a sense of humor. It made Akira blush ever so slightly and glance at me though.  
But he took it in swing. Dodging around me, he held up his hand for her to shake as he said. "Of course, obviously. I don't think we've been properly introduced. I'm Akira Toya, and I believe you're Fujisaki-san?"  
Damn, he was good. He spent a lot of time talking to adults opposed to people his own age most of his life, so it kinda made sense. She seemed to be surprised at how formal he actually was as she took her hand shook my boyfriend's. "Yes," she said. "It's nice to formally meet you," She attempted his courtesy.  
It was all well until Akira added quickly, "Yeah. I'm also Hikaru's lover." GAH! What is with him?! If he's gonna announce our love to the world can't he at least say_ boyfriend _instead of _lover?_ Does he just like that word?!  
Akari raised her eyebrows in general surprise, glancing between the two of us. "Oh," She said softly, then continued the flicks between us. "That explains why you two were making out," He laughed a little.  
"We _weren't_ making out!" I protested.  
"Hika-chan, we were _totally_ making out," Akira added, looking towards me.  
" 'Hika-chan?'" Akari giggled and asked me. I just rolled my eyes while pouting and refused to answer.  
She looked around and got a text of her phone. She blinked. "Oh," she reread the text. "I guess I have to go." She looked up at me. "I'll see you later."  
I nodded. "Parents?" I asked.  
"Boyfriend, actually..." She looked down and shuffled her feet.  
I laughed a bit, "You have a boyfriend _too?_"  
She nodded slowly, but still didn't lift her gaze, "Yuki," She said with a small voice.  
My eyes widened in surprise, "Hah, really?" She just nodded.  
"I really have to get going," she tugged at her dog so he stood up and wiggled. "I'll see you around," And then she left. I let out a sigh and reached my hand towards Akira again. "Why'd you say lover?" I asked.  
He grinned and placed small kisses on the top of my ear, which gave me chills, and replied softly, "Because you're my lover." He pulled back and added, "And I don't like hiding," in a hushed tone. I began to think this over. How did he do it? I would never know, I guess. But still, I found myself looking up at him and whispering, "Why?"  
He just sort of smiled and ran his fingers through my hair, "Because," he gave the answer some thought. "Nothing anyone could say to insult us would ever be enough to bring me to the level of emotion I feel when I'm with you," He said it softly, like an unknown secret that he would tell me and me only. Like how I would tell him I had a ghost in my conscious for years.  
"And I love you," He added after my silence, my look of awe up at him with thoughts flooding into my mind just from his sentence. I was trying to comprehend what he was saying, and fit it together, like a puzzle. Eventually this small gesture got me out of it, as I realized, _There he goes again._ I leaned up and kissed him so he wouldn't say that for a third time today.  
We stayed in the park for awhile, just walking around absentmindedly until it was getting dark, and Akira asked if I'd like to come over for a game of go, and that he'd make sure not to let Tsusaki scratch either of us. I accepted and even though we were in public, even though people could see us, we held hands all the way to his house. On the station, down the sidewalk. His house was far away, and as we walked away from the station I took a breath and realized I could see it. It was cold. Winter was settling on Japan, but I'd never think it would get this cold. As Akira held put his palm on his freehand and little drops fell on it, I realized, it was snowing. Ever so gently through the side of Tokyo.


	4. Things People Keep Hidden

"Meow," Tsusaki greeted us. Akira picked him up.

"You can nyan all you want but It's not gonna make my scratches heal," He said. I laughed a bit and Akira brought the cat over to his food bowl, filling it up. "Was he like that when you got him?" I asked, pointing to the jet black pet, who upon further examination had only one eye, a chipped ear and bandage wrap around his front left leg. Akira nodded.

"My mother said I could get a cat to celebrate going pro," He laughed a bit. "Once I did, instead of going to a store with fluffy month old kittens I went to the shelter," he stood up and shrugged off his coat. "Tsusaki was about 2 at the time, and had a broken leg, and I felt really bad, so..."

"I bet your father thought you had a screw loose when you came home with a cat with one eye," I laughed a bit.

Akira smiled and shrugged, "I've done crazier things," He said, tone hushed slightly. That got me curious.

"Ooh, Akira Toya, crazy?" I sat down on his living room couch. Usually we would go up to his room but ever so often I would have to wait so he could make sure Tsusaki got taken care of. After all, his parents were gone almost all the time. It was like he was living alone. I never got a very good look but tried when I could. In the center of the floor, tucked in nicely under the coffee table, was a goban. We could play go out here if we wanted to.

Akira stretched as he began to walk back towards me, "I was a pretty weird kid, is all I'm gonna say," He laughed a bit. "Didn't get out enough. Lack of oxygen. Played too much go," he smiled.

"Why's his foot still bandaged if it was broken a few years ago?" I asked, referring to the cat again. Akira turned and glanced at the happy little guy chowing on his kitty meal. He shrugged. "I could take it off, but he runs away from me when I try. It also looks kinda cute, so it makes him stylish," I laughed.  
"Now all he needs is some hipster glasses and he'll be completed," I commented. That made Akira laughed.

"Fuck, I wish I had some of those now," He smiled at me. "Buy me some, would you? The fate of the universe depends on it."

I gave him a thumbs up. "I already have a pair!"

"No way," Akira said, in amusing admiration.

"Yes way," I replied back.

He went over and wrapped his arms around my neck from the side. "You are the best boyfriend ever. I will never let you leave me," I laughed and turned towards him, pointing towards the goban. "Why don't we play on this one? It doesn't look like it's been used much," I frowned as if to mimic its feelings. Akira blinked.  
"Oh, okay" he answered. "If you wanna. Tell you what, you set it up and I'll make us some hot beverages to combat the cold weather."

"Deal," And so we sealed it with a kiss. He walked into his kitchen as I slid to the floor and pulled it on to the smooth carpet. I grabbed the stone containers and set them on top. "Black or white?" I asked Akira.

"Choose for color," He responded, as I was expecting.

"Okay," I picked up two black stones. "Think of a number,"

"69," He responded. I laughed a little. "You're white,"

"No, I'm Japanese, can't you tell the difference?" He made me laugh again.

"Okay," I couldn't help but smile. I set the container of white stones on the side Akira was going to sit. As I waited, I double checked both containers that their weren't any stray other-colored stones in each. If there was one thing I learned from Sai, that was it. Because it may be the thing that makes you lose a game and drown yourself in a nearby river. (Sai was so inspiring, wasn't he?) As I looked around, I noticed next to the couch there was a stand with a lamp on it. Next to the lamp, there were a few family pictures, as were on a stand on the other side of the couch. Since I wasn't an expert by any means on my boyfriends family, out of plain curiousity I craned my neck and took a look at these photos. There was one with Akira sitting at a goban, legs crossed, hovering over the board so his dark locks would fall over his face like they did so often, in the middle of placing a stone on it. He must've been around five then. And, OH MY GOODNESS he was so cute. Five year old Akira. Is. The cutest thing. In the universe.

Looking at the one next to it, I recognized Toya Meijin off the bat. It was a family picture, and next to him was who I assumed was Akira's mother, and in the lower half if the picture was two children. One was Akira, which took me but a minute to deduce. It didn't look like happy-go-lucky child Akira though. He was looking towards the corner of the picture, and, get this, he was wearing a beanie. It was stripped black and yellow, like a bumble bee, and cupped his head and hair nicely. But, I had to say, it was cute. He looked a bit older in this one, maybe 7 or 8, and had his arms crossed, looking like he did not want to be there. Toya Meijin would never let his son do that for a family picture, much less wear a hat. So what was going on? I felt like a detective.

Next to Akira on the left was a girl about his age. She was smiling at the camera and making a peace sign. She looked pretty cute, but nothing near Akira. See, I'm incredibly gay. Besides her hair, which was held up in pigtails, she and Akira could've been twins. His cousin, maybe? I know he was an only child. But if his mom and dad were also only children, which I didn't know if they were or not, then he couldn't have any first cousins.

After a few more moments of me pondering these questions Akira came back with a tray of tea. For once he wasn't drinking coffee, I thought. He smiled at me warmly and sat down across from me.

I decided to ask. "What's with this photo?" And the blood rushed out of his face.

He blinked at me. "Ah... What about it?" He said cautiously.

I gulpped and looked at it, then at Akira. "You look like you don't wanna be there. What was up with that?" I asked, hoping the question wouldn't upset him. It seemed touchy.

To my surprise he smiled a bit and picked up his cup of tea.

"Everyone goes through a rebellious stage, I suppose," He said simply. This blew me away. "You had a rebellious stage?"

He chuckled and nodded. "Yeah, I guess. Compared to like, the rest of my life. Is it that hard to believe?"

I nodded slowly," Well, you just, don't seem the type. You're perfect."

Akira frowned. "I am not."  
I smiled. "You're perfect to me, Aki-chaaaaan," I said annoyingly. He smiled and rolled his eyes.

I looked back at the picture. "Who's the girl?" I asked pointing towards the picture.

Akira didn't respond for a few minutes, and just stared at the board with a solemn smile on his face.. It looked like he was hiding pain, though. "If it's all the same to you, Hikaru, I'd rather not talk about that." He still smiled politely as he said it, though."Maybe some other time," he added, sipping his tea. I nodded and didn't push. I blinked and had an idea, though.

I reached over and grabbed his freehand lightly. "Let's make a deal," I said, looking up at him. "When you're ready to tell me, I'll tell you my secret, okay?" I smiled warmly and he blinked in surprise. I knew he had always been curious about that, but he never forced me to tell him. He just nodded and responded quietly, looking almost straight down at the board, "Okay."

I decided to change the subject again. I glanced back at the picture. "So what kinda things would rebel Akira do?"

It took him a minute to register the subject change, then he half smirked. "Ah, mouth off. I got in trouble a lot. My grade school teacher at the time hated me," He laughed. " I think I climbed over fences and went into stores after hours a lot. We never took anything, but left notes like 'We were here.' I had a lot of time since I refused to play go so I took guitar lesso-"

I blinked at him and knit my eyebrows. "Why would you refuse to pl-Wait, you can play guitar?" I gapped at him.

He laughed a little. "I used to be pretty good," he shrugged. "I haven't played in a few years so I probably suck now anyway."

I knocked my knuckles on the go board as if to get more attention on the subject. This interested me. "Do you still have one? Can I hear you play?!" I asked excitedly. He smiled and laughed a bit.

"If you really want," He took another sip. "We can go upstairs and fetch it out of my closet," He replied. I nodded my head quickly.

"Pretty pretty pretty please," I said. He nodded. "Well, alright," and stood. I followed suit and scurried up to his room.

He opened the door to his closet and coughed as a hoard of dust flew out of it. I laughed a bit as I coughed into my sleeve. "You haven't been in your closet for awhile, have you?"

Akira gave me a little smirk as he knelt down and started shuffling through things."Not since I was 13," he replied.  
I blinked. "Really? That long?"

Akira glanced back up at me and smiled. "We're not talking about the metaphorical closet, are we?"

I blinked and blushed. "No, no, your actual closet. This one," I tapped the door.

Akira nodded and laughed a little. "Well, maybe... A few months at this point. I only really use the other side of it for my suits, so I don't touch this side much," He shrugged.

I am the master at changing the subjects. "You've been out of the closet since you were 13?" I asked. I knew him since he was 12, maybe 11, so I must've knew him then. Then why didn't I know he was gay until he told me? Until we started dating? That's strange.

He looked at me and it took him a minute to realize the change in subjects. "That's right," He nodded, scooting closer in the closet. It must've been hidden somewhere, I guess.

"How come I didn't know?" I asked with a pout.

He paused in his search. "I didn't want to tell you," he answered hesitantly.

"Why not? I thought you didn't like hiding and everything."

Akira was silent until he retrieved the wooden acoustic from the clutches of the evil closet. He looked up at me and sighed. "It might be hard for you to believe, since I don't care what people think about me, but I've always cared what you think, Hikaru." He said. Even though it was simple, it hit me like a ton of bricks, and I sat down on the floor with Akira. I wanted to ask Really? But by the way he said it I knew it was true."Akira..." I reached over, and touched his cheek gently. "Why?"  
He smiled a bit bittersweet at me and took my hand gently, giving the back a long peck. "You've always been important to me, Hikaru. Even if I acted like you weren't sometimes. I could never get you out of my head," he confessed, with a little laugh, trying to make light of the conversation.

Before I'd only really thought about how he felt around others. Never really myself. I thought about all the times I'd see him chase after me, on the game board and in real life. All the times he showed up out of nowhere. When he came to my school, asking if we could play, and I turned him down so I could play in my go club and win a tournament... When he beat the real me in that same tournament, that he fought tooth and nail just to get there and play against me, and how disappointed he... Was he in love with me then? No, he said 13. He became a pro at 13, after that tournament...Did he say he always cared what I thought? Does that mean he liked me then? He told me awhile ago he liked me for a long time, but... he never went into detail. But... When I was in the internet cafe playing for Sai, and he came up behind me, and grabbed my shoulder, that was after he went pro, right? Right after he passed the exam, I think. And how after that, he told me I'd never have to see him again, and that look on his face... that look of total spite, of disappointment. And then he turned, and left. I felt bad at the time, but if Akira... If Akira was asking to play a game like he was asking if I wanted to go out with him...

"I'm sorry," I said quietly to Akira, my eyes filling with tears. I flung my arms around him and held him closely, and hesitantly he hugged back, not clear what I was upset about.

"Hikaru?" He asked softly.

"I-I didn't know," I hiccuped, feeling embarrassed for letting my tears fall. "I feel like an ass."

He took a minute to respond. He just patted my back. "It's okay, Hikaru. What are you upset about?"

I sniffed and tried to calm down. "I-I didn't want to play you," I took a deep breath. "When we were 12... D-Did it... feel like I rejected you?"

Akira blinked and pulled me back gently. "Hikaru..." He wiped my cheeks gently. "Are you really getting upset over something that happened-what- four years ago?"  
I frowned and thought about it. I took a deep, some what shaky breath and looked down, giving a small nod. "You're right," I answered. I smiled a bit and punched Akira on the arm lightly. "Let's go back downstairs. I wanna hear you play. And our tea's getting cold.."

He smiled and kissed my nose. "I'm warning you now, I pretty much suck."

I laughed and shook my head, then stood. Akira did the same, stretching a bit and shutting his closet door. We went back down stairs and sat on the floor, him cross legged in front of the goban, but with enough room for where I sat in between, facing him. He was tuning the strings, and after brief consideration he grabbed a white stone from over me and started strumming with it.

I blinked. "What are you doing?!"

"I don't have a pick," he replied. "It'll hurt my fingers if I don't play with a pick," he reasoned. I took a breath. "Alright... Now play! Play!" I urged happily. He smiled a bit and started strumming. I just realized, he would probably sing. I really, really, want to hear him sing. Even if it's absolutely terrible I wanna to hear him sing.  
"_We've waited so damn long..._" He began, and it sounded like he practiced this song. He might've been lying about not playing for so long. Later he would tell me the song was called Collar Full by Panic! At the Disco, some punk band from the U.S. And yeah, there actually is an exclamation point in there. So that's sorta cool. But I was absolutely amazed at his voice. It was quiet, like he wasn't trying to be heard, but it fit perfectly with his playing in harmony. So go wasn't the only thing my boyfriend could play well. I really wanted to interrupt him and kiss him, but as fate would have it, he was just getting to the chorus when he had to stop.

"_-Show me your love, your love, before the world catches up. 'Cause there's always time for second guessing, I don't wa-_" He paused. "Someone's at the door," And with quick reflexes, he set down the instrument, grabbed my hand, stood us both up and opened the door. "Hello?"

Yoshitaka Waya stood at the door, in complete confusion. "Hikaru?" He said as he saw me. Then he glanced down. "Why are you guys holding hands?"


	5. Lies and Honesty

Shit.

Shit shit shit _shit._

Akira reacted quickly though, looking back at me. As quick as lighting, he snapped his head back at Waya and replied, "Yeah. He's kinda drunk," He gave my hand a tug and I stumbled. I'd never drank before but I knew fully well how drunk people are supposed to act. It was up to me to make Waya believe it now.

So I giggled and let my hand slip out of Akira, and stumbled into the half open door, where Akira grabbed my shoulders and pulled me back before I hit my head. I laughed a little.

"See?" Akira said. "Intoxicated."

I stumbled to Waya and grabbed the edges of his hat, pulling it down over his face. "You have a funny hat," I tried to slur. This was kinda fun. Even Akira snickered a little.

Waya pulled me back and with a flick of his wrist took off the hat, grabbing my shoulder so I wouldn't fall. He looked at Akira. "Why is Hikaru drunk at your house?" He asked. Again Akira answered as if this was the truth.

"He was at a bar, I guess, nearby, and I found him stumbling around on the streets like an idiot,"-I tried not to take that personally-"So I brought him back to my house so he wouldn't get in any danger. Why are you here so late, Waya-san?"

"I, uh..." He looked down and thought of an answer, but in the process of studying Akira's floor he saw our go board. "What's with the guitar?"

"I, uh, I was tryna get this guy to sleep," Akira nodded towards me, then grabbed my shoulders gently and sent me down on a chair in his dining room. It was close enough to the door that Waya didn't have to come in and he was looking suspicious.

"Well, as long as I'm here, why don't I help with Hikaru?" He asked, and came in any way and patted me on the shoulder. "You live on the other side of town, don't you?" He said to me, and I looked up at him stupendously.

"Taka!" I gasped. "There's four of you!"

He sighed. "How'd he get into a bar, anyway?!" Waya said towards Akira. Akira shrugged. "Two tone hair cuts make people look older," He said blindly. He was really good at thinking on the spot. Or really bad. It depended on how you thought about it.

Waya looked back at our board. "You were playing go with him while he was drunk?" He asked. Akira blinked and nodded.

"Of course."

Waya snickered. "Afraid you'd lose when he was sober?" He asked.

Akira narrowed his eyes. "Never." I gave him a smile and thumbs up while Waya had his attention on Akira.

Waya sighed and looked at me. "If you become an alcoholic I think I'll laugh," He tussled my hair. I pounded my fists on his arm. "Taka! More like baka!" He looked offended and smacked me on the head. I let out a squeak and grabbed my head protectively. I heard Akira snicker again.

Remembering what happened earlier, I decided to become Hikaru the Sad Drunk. I sniffed. "Takaa!" I let out a fake sob. "T-That hurt!"

Akira smiled a bit in laughter but Waya frowned and sighed. "Maybe you should get him to bed," He offered. Akira nodded.

"Alright. You should go home, Waya-san. I got him covered from here. In the morning I'll bring him back home."

That reminded me. I had to tell Akira something once I wasn't fake drunk. I sniffed. "I-I don't wanna sleep," I whined.

"Too bad," Waya answered, then looked up at Akira. "You sure? I can hang around if you want. He's my friend too," that was like the first time Waya admitted Akira and I were friends. That made me feel happy. But Akira nodded his head.

"It's alright, you should be heading home too. You never said why you were here, by the way," Akira asked suspiciously.

Waya blinked. "Oh, no reason. I thought I could ask your dad something," he lied. I knew why he was here. And the jealously burned in my stomach as I gritted my teeth up at him.

"He's not here," Akira said, a bit of spite in his voice. He was always distant when his father was mentioned, and I've wondered why. And it must've sucked, because he was compared to his father so constantly.

Waya sighed. "Oh," His voice was small.

"He'll be back in a few weeks, if you still are curious by then," Akira added. Waya nodded.

"That's okay. I'lll be off then. Are you sure you don't want me to take Hikaru? He's a bit of a handful," Waya offered.

Akira nodded. "That's alright. Travel safe," He verbally rushed him out the door. Waya said bye to both of us and walked out the door. As he did I said one more thing drunk and stupid and then I let out a relieved breath.

"Damn," I said. "Thought he'd never leave." I grinned at Akira and stood up off the chair, stretching.

Akira laughed and nodded. He said quietly, since Waya was still walking off, "Yeah. Great drunk acting by the way. I would've believed it." He kissed my forehead as I pushed my chair back in.

"Yeah, well..." I scratched my head. "I learned from example," I said with a small voice, and Akira looked at me concerned.

"Example?" He said softly. I just nodded and refused to elaborate.

"We should head to bed, though, Aki-chan," I changed the subject, grabbing his hand. He frowned a bit then nodded, not willing to push. After cleaning things up, We went upstairs and with the only light coming from the moon, Akira finished his love song quietly and we fell asleep in his futon.

* * *

"Your father told me," Ogata said as he took a seat in front of Akira Toya. It was the first day Akira went back to his father's study group after the incident, about a month later. The others were busy speaking of the Young Lion's tournament, while this is what they were talking about, apparently. "You're a homo?"

Akira sighed and set down his book of games he was studying. It had been on the same page for over ten minutes. "Yes," Akira said simply, meeting Ogata's gaze. They were in an intense staring contest until Ogata took out a cigarette and began to light it. Akira always disliked it when he pulled out the nicotine. The smell was disgusting. He also glanced down at the game board in the process. "Still replaying that game, I see," He nodded towards the board.

"I don't know what you're talking about," Akira said indefinitely. Ogata just smirked. "The one against 'sai'," He took a drag._ You mean, the one against Shindo Hikaru,_ Akira thought. He would never reply such an important game in public. So he did not reply and just put the next stone down. Ogata leaned over the board and raised his eyebrows. "Oh. I was mistaken, wasn't I?" He examined the board further, "This is the one against Hikaru Shindo, isn't it? At that tournament last summer," He smirked, Akira did not reply.

"Don't you find it strange?" Ogata asked. Akira just placed another stone. "Because he seems like a great player to me. All the way up to here." He tapped his free hand of a stone near the center of the board, at 8-11. "Then it changes." He looked up at Akira, not saying anything until Akira looked up at him as well. "I thought you didn't care about Hikaru Shindo."

Akira looked back at the board. "I don't," he said dryly. Ogata smirked again and put out his cigarette.

"Don't you want to play him?" Ogata asked condescendingly, pressing Akira's buttons.

He grit his teeth. "No!" He slammed the next stone down with some force. Ogata sensei raised his eyebrows.

"Are you sure? You seem pretty intrigued with him," Ogata elaborated. "He told me he's going to play in the Young Lion's Tournament, Akira-san. Doesn't that make you angry? Don't you want to beat him?" He asked. Akira took a breath and cooled his head. The next stone went down with barly a tap.

"When did you talk to him?" Akira asked softy.

"A few weeks ago. He said he would be in it for sure. And that he's focused on playing against you. You wouldn't want to disappoint," Ogata smirked. As he talked, Akira lowered his head farther so he was looking almost squarely at the board, his hair covering his flushing face. _He's focused on playing against you,_ he thought. Why would he? He can't play like Akira. That was clear the club tournament. But why?_ Why was he still chasing after you?_ Akira couldn't wrap his head around it. Hikaru had disappointed him so many times._ 'I'm not going to play you. I'm gonna get stronger at my go club and play in the team tournament!,_ And when he finally, _finally_ clawed his way to third position (embarrassing himself and getting bullied in the process) to play against Hikaru, he was disappointed. He gave him an amatuer's game, nothing like the two he played previously. Like he was a completely different person. And he had the_ nerve_ of giving Akira hope. _'Toya! Wait!'_ But what he said next surprised him. _If you keep chasing after some illusion of me, some day the real me is going to catch up to you! _What did that mean? Akira couldn't stop thinking. That had been months ago, but the only time he'd seen Hikaru after that was when Ogata brought him to see him as an insei. He prayed Hikaru didn't see him, but they nearly locked eyes, so he had to. That make him so embarrassed, his face flushed the entire way home. There was nothing he could do about it, so he looked down like this the entire time. Somewhere, deep in his mind, he hoped silently that Hikaru had other reasons to chasing on his tail than just competitive spirit, like Akira wa-

"Akira-sensei, may I make an inference?" Ogata asked. Akira glanced up and nodded his head.

"You're not just interested in Shindo because of his go," He began. Akira looked up in curiosity. "You have a crush on him," And down Akira's head went. Ogata raised his eyebrows and basically knew the truth. "Haha! Was I right?" Akira ceased to answer. "That's... interesting," Ogata smirked. "I didn't know Akira Toya could feel love for anything but a board game," Still no reply. And then Akira's father came in, surprised to even see his son. But he sat down like normal and began the study group. Akira tried to listen but his mind was on what Ogata sensei had said. Akira never knew what to think of Hikaru, but every time he thought of the bleached haired boy he got this strange feeling in the pit of his stomach. Before not too long ago he would've just called it determination or fierce rivalry. But he knew he couldn't continue with thoughts like that. He was denying himself from the truth. And he couldn't deny himself from the truth, or he would hurt more. And this hurt. It hurt horribly. He kept on fighting with himself with his feelings and what he should do. But now, as Ogata said it... It seemed to be just like that. The thing he couldn't explain was said simply in six words by the biggest douche on the planet. Of course, that's what these mix feelings were all along: Love. Strange, gay, unrequited love. As far as Akira could tell Hikaru was straight. Hikaru had rejected to even play a silly little (that he decided to make a career out of, and that he loved) board game with him. Hikaru Shindo wanted nothing to do with Akira. Which made him hurt worse. It took all his might to not cry in front of the study group._ Fuck playing him,_ Akira thought. _All I want to do is see him._


	6. Pranks and Confessions

"Akira! Look!" I commanded Akira. He took the sheet of paper from my hand, read it, then looked back up at me in surprise "You're getting an apartment?" He asked.

I grinned as I nodded. It had been about a week since the Waya Incident, and nothing had arose since then. He did ask me the next day if I remembered anything that happened, and I happily went along with it, pretending like I was so drunk I didn't even remember seeing Akira that day, and I also told him I had freaked out and thought he kidnapped me in the morning. Akira later told me that was a good touch.

"Yup! It's downtown, by the grocery store," I said, pointing to where it was. It was only about a ten minute walk from there to Akira's, opposed to the 40 minute walk-and-subway trip from my current house I was still living in with my mother. Akira smiled.

"Good for you. It's closer to here, too," he tapped his chopsticks against the table. We were sitting in the Go Association break room, that I somehow managed to coax Akira over to to eat for once. I made us a lunch each, and he quietly complained that he'd rather have one big lunch from us both to eat out of, so I poked him on the nose for that. I saw Isumi look at us weird from another table, and after a minute he decided to come over with us, not accompanied by Waya, for once.

"And you could even stay over for a while. Or we can split the rent and live there together," I continued my grin.

"I like that idea," Akira smiled softly. "Are you sure we're serious enough to live together, though?"

I laughed a bit. "Of course, dude. It'll be so awesome, we coul-" And that's when Isumi came over.

He sat next to me, where I sat across from Akira. "Hey guys," He said, looking around as if he had not been here all morning.

"Good morning," Akira said politely as he picked up some rice.

"Hey," I greeted Isumi.

"Waya's been acting kinda strange lately," He said off the bat, sighing and putting his chin in his hand.

"What's wrong?" I asked with a pout.

He looked up at me with studying intent then looked back down. "It's nothing," he insisted. "Everything's all right."

He hesitated then looked up at Akira. "Toya...san, you're gay, right?" He asked, even though he knew the answer. I really hoped he wasn't out to get with my boyfriend too.

Akira nodded after just a moment. Isumi sighed.

"What's the matter, Isumi?" I asked again, a mild suspicion in my voice.

"Shindo! You're making this awkward!" Isumi fumed. "You _don't_ like Waya, right?" Isumi asked Akira. He shook his head.

"I'm more into blonds," He said, glancing over at me with a small smirk creeping up on his lips. Isumi let out another sigh.

"Well, I..." He turned his head away, mumbling though his fingers with embarrassment. "I think I might be gay, too. I, sorta..." He looked down. From what I could tell his face was flushed to the max. "Like Waya," he managed to choke out. "But he likes you," He reasoned to Akira. Akira nodded, and looked over at me with raised eyebrows. Isumi shipped them too. Now all that's left is Waya.

"I see," Akira said, setting down his chop sticks. "Don't worry, I have no intention of going out with him. I will crush him with the force of a million suns and in his agony and pain he will run back to his Isumi-san for the ultimate comfort. Victory will be yours." He said in the most serious voice ever. Isumi just blinked at him.

"Well," he gulped and tugged at his shirt collar. "That's nice of you. But I was thinking, maybe," He looked up at Akira with request in his eyes. "If you could tell him you like someone else? Your that you're not actually gay. Or that you're a women! I don't care. I just don't want him getting too hurt," he looked down.

"But Isumi! You'll be able to pounce on him like an injured wild cat!" I offered, clapping my hands together. Isumi rolled his eyes to the joke.

"Well," Akira began, picking up his chop sticks again and playing with his rice. "I'm not going to do that second thing," he brought a piece to his mouth. "And though I could probably totally rock a dress, I am very much a man. You can ask Hikaru," he nodded towards me. Isumi blinked over at me.

"U-Um," I thought of how I could explain this. I found something that actually made sense. "I went into his hotel room with Yashiro for the Hokuto cup," I said, and it was true. Though I did not get to see Akira completely naked then. I came close a few times, though.. Before we were going to leave, Akira was in the shower and he didn't lock the door. He had just turned off the shower, so I didn't know he was still in the bathroom and I opened the door. He was facing away from the door, and once he knew the door was open he whipped the closest towel towards him to cover himself. But as a result I saw his ass for like a split second. Yashiro was sitting down on his bed reading a magazine and laughing hystericaly as I apologized profusely, but then got in an argument with Akira about how he didn't lock the door. Yashiro kept laughing.

Isumi blinked then nodded. "Well, that makes sense. I guess." He sighed and stood. "Waya is probably going to notice I'm not at the usual diner with him eventually. So I better hide," he laughed a bit and said parting words as he walked away.

I snapped my head to Akira. "What the hell was that?" I yell whispered. He raised his eyebrows but formed a smirk.

"He was accusing me of being a women. I had to defend my manhood," he agrued.

"You're gay!" I retorted back.

"But you're still bottom," He answered in return, playing with his rice.

"Well, you're-" I sighed and scratched my head. "Okay, okay, touché. But still."

"They don't know yet," he said simply. I thought it over and nodded.

Aaaaand then Waya came towards us with Isumi on his tail. Akira retreated back to his rice. Waya plopped down on the seat next to me, where minutes ago Isumi sat, but he feigned ignorance.

Waya began to say something, but he was interrupted. Right then there was this heavy punk music that started playing quietly. After a moment of no response Akira carefully took out his phone. Isumi, Waya and I exchanged looks as he looked at who it was and raised his eyebrows in surprise. He stood. "I must take this. Bye," He gave me that earnest look again that he wanted to give my affection as he left but just began walking away. As he did he answered his call and spoke quietly into the phone, quiet enough that I couldn't ease drop from this distance even if I wanted to.

Waya looked up at him leave for a moment and then snapped his head towards me. "Hey bleach brain. Me and Isumi were gonna spend the night. Wanna come?"

"I'm not that big on threesomes," I responded. Waya rolled his eyes.

"No, like, a sleep over. Is the alcohol effecting your thoughts already?"

I pouted. "Aren't we a little old for sleep overs?"

"I honestly never had a lot while I was growing up, too busy studying go," Waya played the sympathy card. "Me too," Isumi added a moment later.

Thinking about it, I never really did either. Unless you counted staying up half the night playing a board game with your ghost roommate of your conscious a sleep over. Then I had tons! "Okay," I replied. "But... We're still gonna practice, right?"

Waya shrugged. "If you want."

"Aw, man, c'mon," Isumi whined. "All we ever do is go, go, go. We need a break. No studying." He argued.

Waya looked over to Isumi and considered his opinion. "That makes sense," he replied slowly."Yeah, okay. Hikaru, no go!"

"Fine," I pouted.

"And!" Isumi snatched my paper off of the table. "It shall be at your mom's house, because you are finally becoming a big boy and moving out!"

"I just turned sixteen like 2 months ago, dude. Cut me some slack. Most people wouldn't even move out yet."

Waya just clamped his hand on my shoulder. "But you will never worry about your mother finding your porn again. That is an accomplishment, my friend." I honestly didn't have a lot anymore, since if I was in the mood for that had my boyfriend. But they didn't know that. I just sighed and nodded. Then I took a glance at the door Akira just left out of. I should've kept my mouth shut but I asked, "Is Akira invited?" Isumi looked troubled.

"Oh, hell no, dude. You guys are such big rivals ALL you'd do would play go. And he's kind of a prick, if you haven't noticed," I didn't know of I should've felt happy that Waya seemed back to normal or pissed that he called my boyfriend a prick.

And as if on cue Akira returned, putting his phone back on in his pocket and sighing, cleaning up his lunch. I looked at the time and started doing the same to my own.

I looked up at him. "Who was that?"

Akira glanced up at me. "No one really." I could tell he was bluffing.

"Akira-"

"I'll tell you later," he muttered, glancing at Waya and Isumi. I simply nodded and finished cleaning my lunch up. Waya and Isumi looked at each other, then stood, and walked away. Akira looked up at me as they left.

"What did they want?" He asked. I shrugged.

"Just something about porn," Akira raised his eyebrows.

"Oh, well, that's nice," He laughed a bit as he threw out his remaining lunch. I should've felt angry because I made it myself but I was happy he even went to eat with me today.

"Who was on the phone?" I asked, like the noisy boyfriend I was.

He glanced back over to me, with a little frown forming on his face. "My father," he let out a sigh. "Just checking in, I guess," he grumbled. I raised my eyebrows at him.

"You have heavy punk music as your dad's ring tone?" I asked.

"It's Linkin Park. And I have that as my ring tone for everyone. Except for yours. Which is 'Walking on Sunshine.'" He said indefinitely.

"You know if I knew you were this weird when I met you I probably wouldn't have thought you were such a snob," I said, laughing a bit. Akira frowned deeply.

"You thought I was a snob?"

I scratched my head. "Well, more like, a goody two-shoes, I guess? You always wore nice clothes and you talked sweet and polite a lot except when you talked to me and you'd get all edgy and pissy-"

"I was threatened, Hikaru. You were threatening my homosexuality." He cut my off, but was laughing a bit.

"Did you get a funny feeling in you pants every time you saw me?" I replied, giggling.

"Oh, of course. I'd spend hours sitting barricaded in my room staring at a picture of you," His laugh got louder as he joked. Then the lunch break was over, and we had to return to our games. Akira won his by resignation. I just barley made it through with 2 ½ points.

Later I was sitting in my room with Isumi and Waya. Isumi sat doing something on his phone, but glancing over it to Waya as often as he could. Waya had pushed my game board under my bed so we wouldn't be tempted to play. Instead, we played Mario kart. It was a game where you quickly learned everyone was your enemy. You must rise over the apes of regular society and insert your dominance over the hoard.

"Watch out," Isumi mummer while glancing up. "There's a shell, Taka."

"I KNOW! Gah!" He seemed to move his body with the controller. "Shindo, your phones going off!"

I blinked and paused the game, leaning over and snatching my phone. Waya gapped at me. "You're messing up my rhythm, dude!"

"I honestly do not give a shit, Waya," I took a look at my phone. Akira has sent me a text. He liked to send me really stupid random texts when we weren't together. Right now he sent me the words, "Saw this fabulous gay couple on the subway on my way home" with a picture of two guys sitting hip to hip on a subway seat. One of the guys, a redhead, had his arm around the other, trying to take his glasses. They were wearing high school uniforms, and the red head held a fan with a shoji character on it and...

"Holy shit," I muttered. Waya looked over my shoulder. "Look!" I told him. He just blinked.

"I can't believe it," he replied, and for a moment I thought he knew what was going on. "You still have a flip phone," I was wrong.

"No, you idiot!" I showed him the picture. "It's Tsutsui and Kaga! They were my upper class men in middle school!"

"Aaand now... they're gay?" Isumi at this point was over by us, looking at the phone.

I nodded. "Akira saw them on the subway and took a picture," I explained.

Waya scratched his head. "Does Toya usually send you pictures of gay guys?" He asked.

"You'd be surprised," I shrugged, closing my phone. "I'm surprised myself. I played a tournament with them back in the day." I thought of something, looking at Isumi happily and then Waya. "I know what we should do. Let's send him a picture of gay guys back," I grinned.

Waya blinked. "I think you'll have to find some first."

"That's why I have you two," my grin widened. They looked horrified.

"W-What?! Shindo.." Isumi sputtered, blushing and looking down.

"Oh, c'mon, it's just for a picture. I'll take a picture of you guys kissing and physc out Akira. It'll be hilarius," I clapped my hands together.

Waya looked ready to protest but took a hard look at blushing Isumi and then at me. "Alright, deal," he said, which made Isumi snap his head up at him with wide eyes, "but you'll have to embarrass yourself, too." He grinned.

"How so?" I asked, skeptical.

"That's for after we're done," And he grabbed Isumi's arm. Isumi looked like he was going to die from embarrassment. I smiled and turned on the camera on my phone.

Waya clamped his hands on Isumi's shoulders, who slowly looked up at him. "Don't be a pansy," Waya said. Isumi frowned and sighed. "Okay, okay..." he muttered quietly.

"It's gonna have to be like at least...like, 7 seconds so I can get a good shot. Maybe you could even add tongue," I wiggled my eyebrows.

"N-No way!" Isumi protested. Waya whipped his head to him.

"Ready?" He asked.

"No," but Waya started to lean in anyway. I prepared my camera and as they started kissing I took a picture. This was going to be so hilarious. I was surprised Waya agreed to do this, considering he said he wanted to ask out my boyfriend, but now he was letting me send a picture of him kissing another dude. So as far as I was concerned, my boyfriend was safe. And only mine.

Isumi never stopped blushing, and he flinched and almost pulled away as I saw Waya try to slip his tongue in. Ooh, Waya's going in deep, I thought. He was pretty much leading the kiss to begin with, and Isumi had no objections until he was finally the one to pull back. That was a good, 12 seconds or more opposed to the 7 I said. Isumi bite his lip and looked at Waya a bit longingly then looked down and away from him. Waya just grinned and looked over at me. "You get it?"

I blinked a bit then nodded. "Yup. If you guys wanna make out some more that's totally cool though. You make an adorable couple." Isumi blushed some more.

Waya rolled his eyes. "Like you know the first thing about gay guys," he said with a scoff.

I totally wanted to protest the number of times I, as a man, had sex with Akira, also a man, but instead I countered with this. "Yeah. For example, I thought you liked girls until a week ago. So I obviously know nothing of gay guys. Even though, hey, my best friend is gay," I sent the picture to Akira with the caption _#Shinitaka._

Waya pursed his lips and looked at me. "You mean Toya?"

"Um, yeah."

"Shindo," Isumi was managing to regain his composure and had gone back to looking at his phone. "I am offended. I thought_ I_ was your best friend."

I laughed a bit. "Seeing from that kiss, I wouldn't be surprised if you were gay too," I grinned at him. He retreated back behind his phone. I guessed he didn't want Waya to know so I didn't say it outright in good taste. Thinking about it, I thought that's how Akira probably felt when he liked me. Constantly keeping things like his homosexuality a secret from me so I wouldn't find out his secret of liking me. At that moment I got a reply from him that said, "Ohmigod. We need to get that framed. With that caption. And hang it up in our new living room."

I laughed a bit and right then Waya noticed me texting Toya again. He sat up. "Right! Your punishment. Ask Toya for a blow job," Waya smirked.

I blinked at him with wide eyes. "What?! Why?"

"It'll be embarrassing for you! But hilarious for us!"

Isumi laughed as well. "Yeah, good idea. I wanna see how he'll respond. And we'll get to see if he actually _does_ wanna be your lover or not," he grinned.

But he _is_ my lover. I sighed and nodded. "Goddamn it, fine." I muttered in annoyance as I began to type. I hoped Akira would see this as odd and not reply like he normally would if he knew it was me saying it of my own freewill. But then again, Isumi and Waya might take it his answer as a joke anyway.

So I texted, "Akira, you should come over and give me head," I blushed a bit as I typed, although we had done it before. I showed it to Waya and Isumi, who were laughing their heads off as I pressed send.

"This is gonna be awesome," Waya said through fits of laughter. I pouted.

My phone went off within a few minutes of texting that, when we were chatting aimlessly, and Isumi and Waya urged me to check what he said. I was hesitant but I pulled out the chat. I gulped. His reply was, "Well that was random but sure. I'll be there in 5" I wondered briefly what he was doing five minutes from my house while he lived eight times that distance away. Isumi and Waya roared with laughter.

"Oh my god!" Waya slammed his fist on the ground.

"You're not actually gonna make him come over, will you?" Isumi chuckled.

Waya was in fits. "No, no! Let him come over! I wanna see what happens!"

I sighed, "You guys are assholes." They nodded in agreement as they laughed.

After about 7 minutes we figured he wasn't actually coming and got back to regular conversation topics.

I looked over Isumi's shoulder. "The hell are you doing?"

He blinked and tried to squirm and hide his phone. "Blogging," he said awkwardly.

I blinked. "Blogging? Do a lot of pro go players do that?"

Isumi blinked up at me. "No..." He pressed a button on his phone and let the screen dim, seting it down. "Not everything has something to do w-"

He stopped as we heard shuffling from behind my house. It sounded like it was on my balcony...

And the balcony door slammed open with Akira standing at it. I jumped even though I should have been completely used to his popping out of nowhere by now. And because he told me he'd come over. But whatever. He blinked a minute as he saw Waya and Isumi. "...Why is Waya and Isumi-san here." He asked in that not-really-a-question way of his.

"How the fuck did you get up there?!" Waya squawked.

"Climbed it. Duh." Akira politely shut the door and sat down with us on the floor, a bit away, folding his awkwardly long legs into a crossed formation. He looked back at me. "Seriously, why're they here?"

"Um. Sorry, Akira. They made me prank you and told me to tell you to do...that," I blushed seriously as Waya and Isumi were dying from laughter again. They were trying to contain it, though, and Waya had his hand over his mouth trying to keep his cool as Akira blinked and responded after a moment, "Oh. Well, that's a shame." They weren't expecting that. They blinked.

"Ahm... Why?" isumi asked sceptically.

Akira crossed his arms and straightened his posture, smirking. "I give the best blow jobs on this side of Tokyo."

It was an almost awkward silence that moment. I didn't really want to say anything because_ I_ have been on the receiving end of said blow jobs and anything I could possibly say could and probably would make this worse. So I kept my mouth shut. Instead Waya opened his.

"Alright," he slammed his hands down on the floor in front of him. "Why not give one to me?"


	7. Several Sides To Every Die

Every since Akira knew of Hikaru Shindo, he always felt there were two parts, or maybe a better word would be sections, of his strange fascination with the boy:

1) His go. His unexplainable good, unexplainable aura of his go that changed and soared as if he had two sides to himself. He had racked his brain to figure out how this all worked but ultimately made him feel more insane, not to mention an idiot for even thinking he could have the go skills of _two_ separate, different people.

2) The simply unexplainable part. After about two years or self evaluation, knowing of his own homosexuality but not his feelings for the boy, he had figured it to be love. Something about the way he presented himself, how he spoke, how he laughed, all of it made his stomach churn with intense emotions that kept him up at night.

More than once he had imagined or literally dreamed of situations where he and Hikaru could be together, how he'd confessed and Hikaru would miraculously feel the same. He had this one idea that they would be playing go and suddenly in the middle he would lean over and kiss Hikaru, but regardless of dreams he felt something like this could never happen in reality. He almost felt wrong keeping this from Shindo, like he deserved to know all the terrible, terribly _dirty_ situations he found himself thinking up about the two of them at any given moment. And by any given moment, it really_ was_ any given moment. He would think about him all the time, during a match, in the middle of dinner with his family, sometimes when he was in the shower... A lot when he was in the shower, to be honest. But it felt... tainted, when Shindo refused to play.

He wouldn't play his matches. He wouldn't play pick-up games. Even when Akira's fascination lead him to Hikaru's school to talk to him, he even refused to play _him._ What the hell was wrong? People kept saying how Hikaru was on his tail, following him, through the go world. And now, it was gone. If he won't play, there's no fixation between Hikaru and Akira. As far as he knew, go was the only thing they really had in common, a similar passion. And without that, there was nothing he and Hikaru had to tie them together. And Akira desperately needed that tie. He needed Hikaru Shindo.

If Akira and Hikaru never played go he would still have these feelings for him, he figured. He felt, some way, their paths would have crossed in a different way, a different time. But there was nothing to hold them to the same path. They would fall apart, as strangers, Akira's one sided love even more pathetic by barley knowing Shindo. So Akira needed Shindo to play go. He needed that something he could hold on to.

What was he thinking?! Not playing any of his matches. It was as if he didn't want to chase Akira anymore, or even see him anymore. He felt discouraged, angry, rejected. But he knew Hikaru wouldn't do that just to get away from Akira. Well, at least, he hoped not. It was selfish to think Akira was what Shindo was thinking about when this was all happening, no matter how much Akira _wanted_ Hikaru to think about him. Because he wanted Hikaru to need him too. And he didn't know how possible that would be. Akira was nothing to Hikaru. Before, he followed him steeply through their go, but now, he was nothing. Hikaru couldn't care about Akira for anything but a board game, because there was two sides to Akira's fixation, but Hikaru had only the one.

Maybe he was over thinking it. Maybe Shindo was just going through a slump. He still cared about go _and _Akira. There was no need to worry. He would be back and at Akira's tail soon as he could.

Then the months past.

It was May when his mind rotted with confusion. He had these thoughts and these doubts and insecurities about what was going on with his rival and unrequited love. He hoped Shindo would bounce back and come at Akira with all his force again as quick as he could muster. It wouldn't be too long before Hikaru was behind him again with that look of determination he so craved.

It was June when his doubts got heavier. In his head he kept thinking_ Hikaru, Hikaru, Hikaru,_ opposed to how he would _say_ his name, _Shindo._ As he got farther away the more force he wanted to feel close to him, and using his last name made his distance feel impossible to overcome. He loved his name, too. _Hikaru._ It was such a nice name, but, oh, how empty it felt without its owner there to acclaim it. Surely, if Hikaru knew how Akira was feeling, he would come right back, right away. His return was more than overdue at this point. And Shindo would feel like a selfish bastard for taking so long.

It was July, when he had lost hope. His own self depreciation was etching deeper in his mind, thinking it was his fault, _his fault._ Hikaru must be angry at Akira for some reason. Why else would he be absent for so long? Akira slammed his way through the prelims of the Hon'inbo league. He pushed his way to 3 dan. He sat and stared into space a lot, thinking about Hikaru. He wanted to talk to him, touch him... let him know he was still there, waiting... He wanted Hikaru to know he was waiting, and have that be the reason for his return. Sometimes, when he was alone, and the thoughts were too much... he would lay down and bury his face in his pillow, sobbing, sometimes screaming, depending on which he felt the need for more. Even when he barley saw Hikaru for near two years he still could feel he was there, behind him. Now he missed even that simple feeling. He missed Hikaru.

Then, in the middle of that month, while Akira had just secured his spot in the Hon'inbo league,_ there he was. _Hikaru Shindo. There, waiting for him, chasing him. Perhaps literally, from the exhaustion on his face, as if he ran up four flights of stairs. Akira had never been so surprised. Usually_ Akira_ was the one sneaking up on Hikaru and appearing at the most random of times. It felt like a dream as Hikaru saw the results of the match and looked up at Akira with determination. He missed that look. All he could stutter was to inquire why Shindo was there. He was glad. Beyond glad. He tried to keep from trembling of excitement and joy as he went home, and not because he was now in the Hon'inbo league.

"Um," Akira said awkwardly, looking around. I seriously wanna punch Waya right now. Glancing over at Isumi, I could tell he wanted to too. Then Akira simply said, "I can't,"

Waya looked surprised and blinked, then narrowed his eyes suspiciously. "Why not?"

Akira again took a minute to answer. He was very composed when he looked Waya in the eye and replied, "My heart belongs to Hikaru."

I blinked in surprise. Goddamn Akira...why does he keep doing this? Though it made my heart flutter. I guess he didn't really have much a choice. I guess he could've made some excuses but he already agreed to come over here to suck _my _dick, and last week he told them we were lovers, so they probably just think Akira is flirty? Maybe. Gah. I don't know what to say.

Isumi was the one to reply though. "What?!" As if he was more surprised than Waya would be. Akira just shrugged as I sat there with wide eyes.

"Akira, what the hell?" I told him, blinking.

"Oh, well, cat's out of the bag now!" He raised his arms to emphasize his words. My face paled as I waited for him to spill everything. But instead he turned towards me. "Hikaru Shindo, I'm in love with you. Please be my boyfriend." I gaped at him in surprise. His face was insanely straight but his cheeks were red. I thought that was kinda cute.

"U-Um," I didn't know what to say. I know we were already going out and that this was just for Waya and Isumi, but I felt awkward and embarrassed as if I'd never consider us dating before. Waya and Isumi looked at each other and didn't know what to say. Then Waya started clapping.

"Aw, c'mon Shindo!" He laughed. "Come to the gay side!" I couldn't tell if Waya seemed fine or if he was annoyed Akira liked me and not him. But I obviously didn't asked.

I sighed and looked at Akira, with a look that said _Are you serious?_ but I was pretty certain Waya and Isumi wouldn't pick up on it. I was about to open my mouth when Akira decided to make the answer easier for me.

"Fine!" He stood, and at first I thought he was going to angrily storm off super over dramatic, but instead he weaved around Isumi and Waya and picked up my go board. I looked at him confused, and he padded back over to me and set it up between us.

"If you win, you can reject me. But if _I_ win, you'll my boyfriend. Deal?" He was smirking. I tried not to blush.

I began to protest. "Aw, c'mo-"

"Do it! Do it!" Isumi and Waya chanted. I thought _they_ were the ones who didn't want us to play earlier? I sighed.

"Fine!" I whipped out my fan. Akira grinned.

We picked for color. I grabbed one black stone.

Akira dropped a few whites on the board as I dropped my black. Two, four, eight... nine. He's black.

The moment we got our stones ready he took one with lightning speed and placed it on the board. I blinked and placed one myself. With barley a second he tapped another one on it. It took me a moment, but I looked up at him to see him smirking at me with determination in his eyes. I gulped and placed a stone. Half a second later he did the same. He was playing speed go.

"Well then," I slammed a stone on the board. "Two can play at that game."

His smirk widened. "I was hoping for that!" And bam. He attacked.

Waya and Isumi watched our hands reach for stones, one after another, as quick as we put them down. They were whispering things to each other, but I took no time to think it could be about anything besides the game.

It took me a moment to notice my actual position on the board. I swallowed hard. "Damn it, Akira!" I said angrilly, slamming another stone down.

He smiled cutely and placed another stone on the board quickly but calmly. I sighed and fiddled with my fan. I could play out the rest of the game, but... it had to be at least 30/70. I think I could make a comeback, but giving myself some time to think, did I really want to win? Nevertheless, I played another move. Akira hesitated with this one, then...Wow. that was a good move...

"I resign." I sighed.

"Oh, sweet," Akira smiled, then about as quickly as he placed his stones while playing he leaned toward me, over the board, grabbed the back of my neck and smacked our lips together.

I wasn't thinking. Why did I care if they knew? Why couldn't they? So, I kissed him back, and...

Except, that's not what happened. I honestly would've preferred that to have happened. After Akira's good move, I played a careless one, to see how he would respond. I would either win or lose with a full game, not by resignation. But then Akira did something I didn't expect.

He sighed and scratched the back of his head. "Alright, you got me. I resign." What?!

"Huh?!" I said in surprise. This was totally his game. He was going to win.

"I'm sorry, Hikaru," he said, ruffling the stones around and beginning to put them away. "I would never force you into anything like that. Besides," he dropped the stones into the bowels. I still looked confused. Was I dreaming? "It would totally be inappropriate for me to be in love with you while we're moving in together, no?" I blinked. I think I knew what he was doing.

"You're moving in together?" Isumi asked.

I tried to go along with it. "Well, yeah. Do you_ really _think I could pay rent all by myself?"

Akira laughed a bit and held up his hand. I high fived him. "We really got them, huh?" He smiled. I nodded and laughed too, trying to get a feel for what he meant. Not really. This boy always was up to something. So I just kinda went along with it.

"Yeah!" I bluffed. "They thought you loved me _and_ we gotta play go!"

Waya and Isumi glanced at each other in confusion.

"So, uh, you made it up?" Isumi said skeptically, a bit let down looking.

"What the fuck, you _planned_ that?!" Waya said angrily.

"Yup," Akira smiled. "Everything from the couple in the subway to resigning the game." I was seriously impressed how well Akira could improvise. It was as if we actually_ did_ plan it. I could tell he wanted them to know, when he bet me on a game, but figured it wasn't such a good idea. I thought, for a moment, we should _let_ them know. But what would they think if we moved in together? We couldn't hide_ that_ from them. so Akira must've thought this was the best. Even though he hates hiding, he thought I would like it this way. Even if that's not completely true, it makes sense.

"WE'RE GONNA GET YOU BACK, TOYA, SHINDO!" Waya shrieked, waving his fist angrily in the air. Isumi had to hold him back. We just laughed.

Akira stood. "Well, I'm gonna get going. Ogata sensei's probably waiting for me..."

"Oh, were you with him?" I asked. Waya and Isumi were still upset but I changed the subject.

Akira nodded and laughed. "Yeah, did you not smell the smoke? Funny story. He was actually looking over my shoulder when I read that text."

Waya laughed. "Woah, what'd he do?"

Akira shrugged. "Looked at me funny, then I ran off." He laughed a bit and looked down at me. "Well, I'll see you later," And he walked back to the balcony. I bite my lip, wanting to ask him to stay, but instead said, "Okay, yeah. Later." I squeaked out. He for some reason decided to climb down the goddamn wall again and left, like goddamn spider man, and by that time I already missed him. I sighed a bit and put away my goban, Waya and Isumi exchanging glances.

"Was that really planned?" Isumi shattered my trance. I looked up at him.

"Only some of it," I plopped back down on the floor.

"You seem kinda sad," he noted.

I shrugged and stretched. "Naw, I'm fine." I crawled over back to my controller and unpaused it before Waya could get to his. He shrieked.

"Shindo!" He dived for the controller, but it was too late. Luigi had pushed him into the lava. He groaned in irritation and put his face on the ground. I laughed. "You're evil," he muttered, standing up. "Where's your damn bathroom?"

I paused the game again. "All the way down the hallway and to the right."

He sighed. "Thanks," then walked out. Isumi looked at me intently.

I gulped. "What's with the look?"

"You like him, don't cha?" I could tell he was referring to Akira.

I blinked. "What?!"

"Don't worry, I won't tell anyone!" Isumi smiled. "You looked so depressed when he left." He yawned and picked up his phone again, going back to blogging. "Am I right?"

"Isumi, shut up," I laughed a little.

"Ooh, I'm right, huh?"

"No, I don't like him." I spat, then sighed, looking longingly at the balcony door. After a moment I quietly added, "I love him."

Isumi blinked. "Wait, really?"

"Don't tell Waya."

"No way." He promised, nodding.

"Me and Akira have been dating for awhile," I confessed.

"How long's a while?"

"Eh..." I scratched my head. "A bit over half a year."

"Holy shit, really?"

"Yeah. So you don't have to worry about him taking Waya from you, kay?"

Isumi smiled a bit. "Right. Thanks." He looked around. "You guys actually moving in together?"

I nodded. "Yup."

We sat in comfortable silence until Waya came back and tried to win at Mario Kart. And ultimately, utterally failed. And luckily, like he told me, Isumi never breathed a word.


	8. Black and White

Akira huffed, a bead of sweat trailing down his forehead. "H-Hikaru," with his bare arm he wiped his forehead, tired, running low on breath. "I-It's not working, Hikaru," he breathed to me softly. "I-I can't do it."

"Just a bit more, Akira, p-please..." I answered breathlessly.

Akira pushed harder, straining his lungs and ended up letting go. "Why...Why isn't it working..."

"Akira, It's okay... I-I don't think it's ever gonna work. Y-You can just go with a wrinkly shirt."

"No!" He slammed down the iron. "I'm not gonna meet your dad in a wrinkly shirt! That's... That is just _insane!_"

"Then wear a not-wrinkly shirt! We're gonna be late! And it's hot as hell in your laundry room!"

Akira sighed and unplugged the iron. "Fine," He stretched as he walked toward the door, giving me a perfect view of his bare back. Which looked very nice, to say the least. I followed him to his bedroom where he looked through his drawers and closet for something he could wear.

He pulled out a pale pink button up. "Is this good?"

I examined it. "If you're going for the 'Hey, I'm bangin' your son' look."

"Perfect!" He slipped it around his shoulders. I laughed a little as he started buttoning it.

"I'll show you where his house is. He wants us there around 11:00."

He looked at his clock. "Shit, how long does it take to get there?"

I stratched my head. "Well, it's about 50 minutes from my house.."

"And your house is 40 from mine." Akira threw in, slipping on his shoes.

"So about ten minutes?" I concluded. I fixed the collar on my shirt, realizing how long _exactly_ it's been since I've seen my dad. A pretty long time. I used to visit him a lot, but since I've gotten into go it's been less and less. I took a peek at Akira's calander. "What's the date?" I asked him.

"The 13th," he finished buttoning, laughing. "Friday the 13th."

"Oh, no. That's a bad sign, isn't it?" I stratched my head. "Hey, when's your birthday? Isn't it sometime this month?" I asked, since it was December. I was pretty sure it was this month. I kinda hoped it was, because it'd be really embarrassing if I said it was and it was like July or something.

He nodded. "Uh, yeah. It's on the 14th," he ran his fingers through his hair, his answer nonchalant.

"Huh? Tomorrow?!" I gapped at him. He looked at me and nodded.

"It seems so."

I pouted. "You should've told me sooner! Then I could've gotten you something awesome! Why didn't you tell me before?"

He shrugged and sat down. "Didn't think it was important, really. And I didn't want you to bother with it while the day before we're going to visit your dad."

I frowned. "Akira," I stood up and plopped down next to him. "It _is_ important. We did a ton of stuff for my birthday. And I _love _you!" I whinned, crawling on to Akira's lap. "We still have like 20 minutes," I grinned.

He rolled his eyes playfully and pecked my lips, laughing a little. "Let's just go. Before you make us late." He pushed me off lightly and stood, taking my hand and pulling me up.

"C'mon! I can make it fast."

"Oh, get real Hikaru. You and I both know how big a lie that is. Even if we were fast, you'd just whine and complain that we should go again." He pulled me up and intertwined our fingers. "After, okay?" He game me an encouraging smile.

I let out an exaggerated sigh. "Fiiiiine. Let's go." I tugged his hand towards the door.

When we arrived, he opened the door before I lifted my hand to knock. My dad never remarried, so he lived alone, besides for my wayyyy older brother who moved out before my parents even split up, so he wouldn't have lived here anyway. I live with my mom and my step dad, who since I see him so much I just call him dad anyway. I honestly think my mother has forgotten that I was conceived with a different man than him at this point. My infrequent visits probably help with that, though. When I was a kid I almost spent all my time with my dad, and I'd nag my mom all the time to go over to his house, which might've made her feel bad. My dad was young at the time, so he'd always play outside with me. Eventually my mom would always push me to play with the daughter of a family a few houses down from our's, who just happened to be Akari, so I wouldn't go over there so much, I guess. But nonetheless me and Akari did become pretty good friends, considering we were the only same aged kids on our entire block, besides for some teenagers, but we were like 7 so we wouldn't have wanted to be around them. Despite my mom's protest she also came to see my dad with me a few times. Everyone always thought I had a thing for Akari. Even Sai said he thought Akari had a crush on me. I never saw it, though. I wonder if Akira thought so. That would probably be a reason he didn't try anything with me earlier.

It had been a pretty long time. My dad had to be nearing 50 by now, and so the bottom of his hair was graying. It was a surprisingly small amount of gray, though, just on the upper back part of his neck and a bit at his roots. The rest was still pretty black. He had a bit of grey subtle of his chin and jaw which he scratched as he greeted me. "Hikaru! How ya been?" He grinned and pulled me into a bear hug.

"Um, I'm good, dad. How about you?" I asked, my voice slightly strangled from lack of oxygen. He pulled back and took a step back, looking at me.

"I'm doin' pretty okay, I'd say. I'm glad you could make it, even with this job of yours that no one will tell me anything about. How old are you again, kiddo? 15?"

"Just turned 16," I corrected briefly. I glanced over at Akira, who was smiling at our close father-and-son-ness. We usually weren't this happy-go-lucky, but it had been quite a while. "Oh, um, dad," I grabbed Akira's arm. "This is my boyfriend, Akira Toya." I tugged him forward a bit, and Akira's acute sense of manners and being polite kicked in and he bowed.

"It's nice to meet you, Mr. Shindo," he said, not too sure about the last name, which he should'nt have been anyway. I never went into much detail about my dad. In fact, up until about a week ago when I told him we were going to meet his dad, he thought my step dad was my dad, and was confused because he had already met him.

"'Name's Sasaki, but it's no problem, kid. Hell, you can call me Ryota if you'd like. We're all family here, right? Assuming you guys don't break up. How long have you been goin' out?" He looked between us.

I gulped. "About six months now, almost seven."

"Oh, damn. Not bad, not bad. And how come you never told you played for the other team, Hikaru? Huh? Oh damn, sorry," he took a step back. "Come on in. I've been running my mouth off, huh?"

I laughed a bit. "It's alright," I walked inside, looking around, when Akira followed at my tail. When we were inside we both took off our shoes quickly. My dad wasn't a very tall guy, and we were actually about the same height, he a bit taller, I would figure. But then, Akira had a good few inches on me, so Akira was taller than both of us.

My dad looked up at him nevertheless. "So, Akira, was it? Kind of a girlish name, don't you think?"

Akira blinked a bit. "N-No, I-"

"No, no, I'm pretty sure," he patted me on the back. "Because one of the names Mitsuko and I were gonna name Hikaru if he was a girl was 'Akira,' so..."

Akira blushed and looked at his feet.

"Dad..." I frowned a bit.

He laughed a bit. "Right, right. I'm sorry. I was just jokin'." He clamped his hand on Akira's shoulder, who damn near flinched. "It's a fine name. Manly. So you guys want some tea?" He asked, leaving the room anyway to go to the kitchen. I grabbed Akira's hand and looked up at him.

"You okay?" I asked quietly.

He blinked up at me and nodded. "Yeah, fine. Your dad sure has a lot to say, huh?" He offered a little laugh.

I smiled. "I guess so." I gave his hand a squeeze and looked up at him, making aimless conversation.

"Hey, what do you think your parents would've named you if you were a girl?"

"Don't have to guess on that," Akira sighed. "Probably Haruka." His eyes got a little dark.

"Why Haruka?" I asked. Akira shrugged.

"Thought it sounded nice, I suppose." He looked up at me with concerned eyes. He said in a quiet voice, "Hey, can I ask you something important?"

I blinked and nodded, saying in a similar tone, "of course."

"Is my shirt wrinkly?" He said it in such a serious tone it would've been the same if he was asking to marry me.

I pushed him playfully and laughed. "Asshole."

He laughed a bit back. "Okay, sorry, sorry."

Before we knew it my dad was back with a tray with tree cups of tea on it. "Come to the livingroom, and I'll fix you guys up some cake, too." He turned and started walking away, to which we followed him, to the livingroom.

The couch wasn't the biggest, and so Akira and I were kinda scrunched together on it, which I enjoyed. There were big piles of paper everywhere, which didn't help with the space on the couch, and I had a feeling Akira's OCD clean freak-ness was starting to kick in right about now. A few minutes later my dad came back with a tray of small pieces of cake, with little toothpicks in then so you could eat it with your hands.

When he caught Akira looking at all the paper, he told him, "I'm a writer, in case you're wondering. That's what all the paper is; various manuscripts," He took a sip of his tea, which led me to do the same.

"A writer? That's interesting," Akira said with a smile. My dad cackled.

"More interesting than a board game, I'd say," he took another sip.

I laughed a little and grabbed a piece of cake. "It's actually a pretty interesting board game, though."

"Must be, if you're dedicating your whole life to it," he took a look at both of us. "Are you good at it?" He asked. He must _really_ know nothing about go.

"Well, yeah. You have to pass a test to become a pro." I said as Akira took a sip of his tea.

"Oh. So you're good at it," he concluded. Rocket science.

"Yeah." I laughed a bit and pushed Akira playfully. "He's better than me, though."

"Not by a lot," he praised me, taking another sip. It really didn't sound like praise, but it was. I always liked it when Akira complimented my go, even if it wasn't anything like _No, Hikaru. You're so much better than me, I envy you._ But that was the best part; it was realistic praise, which meant he actually believed it. So it made me happy. I was smiling at him and I didn't even notice.

"My goodness, you guy are so gay." My dad laughed a bit. "You compliment each other."

I frowned. "Well, Akira's just a nice gu-"

"No, no, Hikaru. Well, that too." He set his tea down, popping a piece of cake in his mouth. "I mean, well, like colors? Complimentary colors. Your personalities compliment each other." He explained. And that made me flush.

"Y-You think so?" I scratched my head. I glanced over at Akira, who was looking down and sipping his tea. Even through his dark locks of hair I could see his cheeks were a little pink.

My dad laughed a little. "Well, yeah. But that's just my opinion. I haven't seen ya for a long time, Hikaru, and I barley know this guy.."

"Thank you," Akira interjected quietly. He looked up at my father and smiled. "I think so too."

The rest of the evening went one smoothly as we left two hours later. But that part, that really stuck with me. _You compliment each other._ I thought. In go, you're always black or white. You can't be magenta or blood orange or sharp vermillion. Black and white are just two colors, one absorbing all the waves of light and one bouncing them off, but the other colors are there, just unseen. Within those two simple colors are every other color ever imaginable. So maybe go isn't so black and white after all.


	9. Everyone Blames Yashiro

"Waya, you should just stop," Isumi frowned, following his friend. He just about slammed the door to his apartment, but upon hearing those words, he caught it and peaked out of it. "Stop _what?_"

Isumi scratched his head. He hesitated and took a deep breath, letting it out slowly in a calm sigh and looked at his friend seriously. "Do you really want to go out with Toya-san, Waya?"

Waya blinked. "Of course I do." He walked further inside, but left the door open for Isumi to follow, which he did.

"Why?" Isumi asked as he slipped off his shoes.

Waya plopped down in front of his goban. "It's not _that_ easy finding another gay guy in Japan, you know. Especially one in the same profession. I can't be too picky, ya know?" Waya asked, but he knew Isumi didn't know, because Isumi liked women. Or at least that's what Waya thought. But Isumi liked _Waya._ So there was a perfectly fine gay guy in Japan that was in the same profession as him, and he was standing right in front of him. Yet Waya didn't see it.

"But you _can't,_" Isumi pressed. He knew he wouldn't want to date Toya, he rubbed him the wrong way, and besides, do you _know_ how pissed Morishita-sensei would be?

Waya frowned at Isumi and narrowed his eyes. "And why the hell not?"

Isumi was at a loss for words. Should he confess? Should he think of another reason not to? Then, like a genius, he blurted out, "Let's go to China!"

Waya blinked. "_What?!_"

"You heard me!" He plopped down on the other side of the go board. Not to play, but so he would look at him. And, the place was a little small. "Remember? We promised we'd go to China and study together at the Hokuto Cup. You have the money now, so why don't we go now?"

Waya gulped and straightened the bowels of stones on top of his goban nervously. "Well, I dunno..." He sighed. "This is so sudden, Shin!"

"You just forgot!" Isumi pressed Waya's buttons. He frowned.

"No! It's just.." He groaned and slammed his fists against the wood. "I'm not good enough yet, Isumi!"

Isumi stared at Waya. "What do you mean?"

"At _go!_ I'll never get better than Hikaru, much less Toya! I can't study in China when I'm _this_ bad!" He answered, frustrated.

"You're not bad!" Isumi assured him. "You're just a little slower at progressing!"

He frowned. "Shindo became a pro less than two years after he _started_ playing!"

Isumi sighed. "Oh, come on, that's not fair! Shindo was a really fast learner! And Toya started playing when he was in diapers! You can't compare yourself to them!"

Waya sighed and hung his head in his hands. "Still."

"We're going to China, Waya. C'mon, pleeeease? It'll help you!"

"You just want me to stand side by side next to that Le Ping guy!"

Isumi couldn't deny that. "It's for go study!"

"Yo," Yashiro pushed himself into Hikaru's home. Hikaru didn't mind, even though he had never been there and sort of just _came in._ "Nice place, Shindo. Your mom here?" He added in a lower tone, "Is she hot?"

Hikaru laughed and pushed him playfully, but still kinda hard. "Cut it out." He started to head upstairs, then figured he should ask if he wanted anything to drink. "You want some tea or something?" He asked.

Yahshiro shrugged and looked around, slipping off his shoes, since even though he invited himself in he didn't dare go any further than where he stood without taking off his shoes. "Naw, I think I'm good, thanks. Where's Toya?" He asked.

Hikaru shrugged. "I think said he had an emergency study group or something, pretty sure he was just blowing us off," he laughed.

Yashiro stretched and yawned as Hikaru went back into his kitchen to get himself a drink. "How'd you do at the Young Lion's Tournament?" He asked, since it only happened two weeks ago. Hikaru had made it to his second round, playing an easy but really potential filled fifth grade insei the first. Then he lost to Toya. He was close, but Toya was on a roll at the Young Lion's and didn't intent to let Hikaru slip through so easily.

He grabbed himself a soda. "Lost, sadly. Due to Toya, yet again," he laughed a bit.

"Damn, that Toya!" Yashiro cackled. "Though, he has a soft spot for you, doesn't he?"

Hikaru blinked and looked at Yashiro. "What? No way. We scream at each other all the time." He quickly dismissed it.

"Nuh uh, bro. You don't see it, do you?"

Hikaru frowned and started heading up stairs, Yashiro right behind him. "See what? How annoying he thinks I am?" Yashiro just laughed as they entered the room.

"Yo, Shindo, can I ask you somethin'? Ya know, bro to bro?"

Hikaru blinked and him and sat down in front of his goban. "Lay it on me, home slice."He answered as he popped open and took a sip of his drink, trying and failing miserably to meet the demands of Yashiro's lingo.

"You gay?" Hikaru nearly did a spit take. "Ya know, just c'rious," Yashiro said.

Hikaru swallowed carefully and regained his composure. He was about to shout no but he wasn't sure if that was completely true. "I've never really thought about it, why?" He answered vaguely. In reality, it was a bit difficult to explore your sexuality when you had a ghost companion not only breathing down your throat all the time but always insisted to play go.

Yashiro scratched his head. "Oh. Well," He walked over and sat on the other side of his board. "I just thought you might be, s'all,"

Hikaru frowned. "Why?" Did he _seem_ gay? Did he give off a gay vibe?

Yashiro shrugged. "Well, I guess I'll just say it. I gotta hunch that Toya hassa thing for you."

He sputtered, and then finished off his awkward respond with a scoff. "What? Wh...Why would you think that?" Hikaru asked. _Why, why, why._ That was all he could say. To be honest, it wasn't the first time he considered something between he and Akira. But he never thought of anything serious. Hikaru had to be ADHD, no matter what he's mother said, but he thought about the weirdest scenerios, like those. But they were all in fun, and meant nothing.

Eventually he got back to reality and luckily didn't miss Yashiro's response. "Well, I thought he acted weird towards ya before, but I never said nothin'. I thought he was just partial towards you, 'cause you're his rival or whateves, but then I asked if he was gay and he didn't even _deny_ it, dude. He was all like, 'Ah, yes. Is there a reason as to why you're asking?' All polite and shit like he does. So I dunno, I thought he might, okay? I just got a feelin'."

"You _just got a feeling_ that my eternal rival wants to _fuck_ me?" Hikaru asked, astonished, with wide eyes.

"Hey! I never said that! I was just seein', since, like, he's gay. I wanted to know if _you_was gay. Because you guys seem like a cute couple." He cackled.

"Shut up. Just choose for color, asshole."

In the next few days Hikaru decided to see if that was true.

Damn you, Yashiro. Why would Toya think about Hikaru that way _ever?_ But now, no matter how Toya's feelings were to him, it didn't stop Hikaru's brain from thinking of him with those sort of ideals in mind and... Well, quite frankly, it was a new thing to jerk off to. He never really _fantasized_ like that before when he did it, but he, um, kinda liked it when he thought of Toya. Yashiro, what the hell?! Getting these weird thoughts in his head.

But Hikaru couldn't just go up to his rival and say, "Hey, do you wanna fuck me?" Because even if he did he didn't see that strategy working out well for either of them. He'd probably end up getting fucked in the bathroom in Toya's go salon. Which wouldn't be the best way to start out a new relationship, no matter how many yaoi mangas had that exact plot line. So he decided to start out simple. He was gonna ask Toya if he was actually gay.

Which totally would've worked if he didn't completely forget about it while he was at his salon.

Akira was already walking out the door, talking on the phone as Hikaru stared at the game Toya _totally_ creamed him in, which made him angry because he should've _totally_ been able to beat Toya, since he almost defeated Yong Ha at the Hokuto Cup a few weeks ago, and ohmigod what the hell Hikaru, TOYA'S GETTING AWAY!

So he ran outside quickly without putting his stones away to catch up with the bob haired idiot. "Hey! Toya!"

Akira paused a moment to turn around and see Hikaru, at which he offered a sweet smile and a wave, then turned and continued walking. Damn. Hikaru caught up and tailed behind Akira, at least until he was off the phone. With Ogata, I think? Or maybe Yashiro... Shit! Was Yashiro telling Toya Hikaru was gay and that he had a thing for him too? What that his plan to set them up? After a moment, Hikaru found that it _was_ Yashiro, but was surprised at the conversation taking place.

"No, no, no- Wouldn't it be better to clutch? And then a knight's move at 11-16... Yeah, see? Yashiro, you- Oh, shut up." He paused a moment to laugh, which for some reason was making Hikaru's stomach burn with jealously, but then, Akira added with a lower tone, "Yeah, okay- I told you I was gay, but I'm not _that_ gay. But please just-" But Akira was interrupted by Hikaru deciding to blurt something out in astonishment.

"You're gay, Toya?!"

Akira stopped in his tracks. He turned his head, looking at Hikaru in horror, which he had much of a right to do. Akira didn't know Yashiro had spilled it to Hikaru, and Akira never had any intention of telling Hikaru his sexuality. It would _ruin_ their relationship. What if he thought Akira liked him? And then pushed him away out of not feeling the same? He couldn't jeopardize their friendship like that, Hikaru meant too much to Akira. But now he might as well been wearing a sign that said _Hey, I'm a homo!_ Dammit Yashiro. And so he hung up the phone on that nosy bastard and was at a loss of words to say to Hikaru.

Eventually he realized he probably looked like an idiot, calmly collected his thoughts by taking a deep breath, and turned his body towards Hikaru as well, deciding it was best to just keep his composure. "Uh, yes." He said softly. Any louder and his voice would've cracked. Akira could feel his face betray him by the blood rushing to his cheeks as Hikaru took a step closer to Akira. He was going to die, he knew it. This was what was going to kill him, Hikaru Shindo. And it was ultimately Yashiro's fault for putting himself in such a position. He made him play a bad move, now he needed to find out how he was to win.

"How come you didn't tell me?" Hikaru frowned.

Akira swallowed hard and crossed his arms, saying a bit indefinitely, "It's not really any of your business." He always thought, even if a situation were to present itself where Hikaru full out _asked_ him if he was gay, he would be vague and might even lie about it. Those were the lengths he would go to keep his feelings for Hikaru a secret.

Hikaru frowned. "Why not? You don't trust me?"

Slash. He cut him. Akira blinked up at him, again, a loss of words. "I...I thought you'd reject me..." Oh shit. This was coming out wrong. "...A-As your friend, I mean..." he told half the truth. "I-I have to leave, sorry, I'll see you later!" He turned and started walking. Right there his voice _seriously_ cracked. Why couldn't Akira just _stop_ embarrassing himself?

Hikaru blinked at his fleeting body. _I thought you'd reject me...As you friend._ Toya didn't really think that, did he? No matter how straight or gay either of them was he would still want to be friends, not to mention rivals. Hikaru ran after Akira and grabbed his shoulder from behind, which might not have been a good idea, since he flinched hard and turned his head back towards Hikaru. He lowered his hand.

_I won't reject you as a friend. But I want to be more than friends,_ he wanted to say. But all that came out was, "I'm not gonna judge you 'cause your gay, Toya. It's not like you can change it." He scratched his head awkwardly, hoping he wouldn't try to get away from him this time.

That last sentence seemed to rub Toya the right way. After a moment he smiled softly. "Right," that face was enough to fill Hikaru's fantasies for a week, maybe more.

"Can we play another game?" Hikaru asked. Akira sighed.

He ran a hand through his hair. A long fingered, callused hand through his dark, lush hair. He seemed to do that a lot, didn't he? "I _do_ actually have to leave, Shindo. Maybe tomorrow. If you'll excuse me.." he waved a bit and turned. Then he left.

Phase one complete, Hikaru thought. Now he just needed to win him over with more warm-smile provoking sentences and maybe eventually they _could_ fuck like in yaoi manga. Well... he still wasn't sure how he felt about Toya. It was more than friendship, more than rivalry, definitely, but was what _was_ it? And why was it to easy to masturbate to? He had to figure it out or he was going to explode with sexual frustration. And all because of Yashiro. Damn him.


	10. Happy Birthday, Things Are Awkward

"I just don't know what he'll want," I pouted. Mitani and Akari stared at me blankly.

"You want us to help you get a birthday present for your gay lover?" Mitani asked, scoffing.

I frowned. "I'm not good with presents! And usually I go out with _him_ to buy stuff!"

Akari laughed a little. "Okay, we'll help you. C'mon, Yuki." She tugged at his hand. He just frowned.

"Do we _have_ to?"

"Yuki, stop being such a downer."

He sighed. "Fine." And we were off.

I soon found out Akira was _extremely_ difficult to shop for. He has a weird fashion sense, only plays go, _already_ has a cat, and for my birthday he got me a ring, so jewelry out of the question too. Not that I really think he'd want some anyway. I only remembered the ring because I always start fiddling with it when I'm nervous, which would be now. What the hell am I supposed to get him?!

Me, Yuki and Akari walked around the shop-filled part of town while I tried to figure this out.

"How bout something go related, then," Akari offered. "A board, or something...?"

"Boards are wayy too damn expensive, Akari. Besides, Akira already has like 6 set up in his house alone." I let out a sigh.

"What about a fan, like the one you have," Mitani said. I blinked at him.

"Not too bad an idea, but, how do you know I have a fan?"

Mitani gulped. "Lucky guess?"

I beamed. "Do you watch my matches?!"

"No!" He sputtered, looking towards the ground. Akari giggled. "I just see you sometimes in a magazine with it. No big deal." I was still grinning, nevertheless.

Akari went up near me and whispered in my ear, "What about something relationship-related? Some lingerie, or maybe a dil-"

"AKARI!" I stopped her, face red. "First of all, that's _way_ too embarrassing! Second of all, I-" I stopped myself. What, did Akari think I topped? Why else would she want me to get a dildo for _Akira?!_ Argh!

"Second of all, what, Hikaru?" She asked. She seemed completely unfazed by her suggestion.

I sighed and tried to wait until my face would lower back down to his regular color, but that seemed not to be happening anytime soon, so I just scratched my head and said low enough for Mitani not to hear, "Akira's kinda... The guy." Was the best way I could come to describe it. And I know for a fact if he knew Akira would get on my case for implying there had to be a 'guy' and a 'girl' in a relationship. But I haven't talked to Akari in damn over a year! What was I supposed to say, _Naw, you got it backwards, Akira's the one who sticks his dick_ in_ me._ I mean, it _did_ kinda sound like she thought we already progressed to bedroom activities. But that doesn't mean I can tell her the details and stuff. Well, at least not in public or with her boyfriend around. Oh my god, did that make me her gay friend who talks about their sex lives and whatever? That was one thing I did _not_ want to be.

"The _hell_ you guys talking about?" Mitani asked, but Akari was already staring wide eyed at me. Then she burst out laughing.

"Y-You..." she laughed, grabbing her sides. She stumbled over to Mitani, and gripped his arm, saying loud enough Mitani could understand her, and Hikaru could overhear it. "Y-Yuki, H-Hikaru gets butt fucked!" Saying this out loud seemed to make her laugh harder. Mitani stiffened a chuckle and looked up at me with a level of sanity Akari was missing at the moment. I knew he'd back me up.

"It's not funny, Akari." I frowned and crossed my arms.

Mitani grabbed both of Akari's arms and tried to calm her down. He gave her a little peck on the forehead and that seemed to bring her back to reality.

"I-I'm sorry Hikaru, but it's hilarious," she giggled.

If Akira was here he'd probably give her some intimidating go stare and some speech about how it wasn't or whatever. I tried to mimic what I thought he would do.

I probably failed at step one, the intense stare. Only Akira could do that stare. But I was probably sorta close by the look Akari gave me. "No, it's not, Akari. Men have prostate glands, and-" I tried not to laugh myself, honestly, I was so immature when it came to these things. "So, um, they can get aroused by that sorta thing. Like, if you went and tried it on Mitani I'm sure he'd like it." Then I lost it. I started laughing too.

"The fuck, Shindo!" Mitani growled and narrowed his eyes at me.

Akari kept laughing and patted his cheek, which caught him off guard. "Maybe I will, Hikaru, good call. I'll," -she laughed some more, pausing in her sentence-"I'll have to look into that, thanks for the heads up!" I just laughed some more as Mitani hit her on the arm playfully, and she kicked his shin, and he just clamped his hands down on her shoulders until she took a deep breath and finally managed to calmed down. We searched on.

Maybe something we could both have? Like matching bracelets. Like little girls give each other. Okay, that one's out.

I kept coming back to the fan idea, though. Eventually, I managed to lure Mitani and Akari to a go merchandise store, taking a look at what they had. After grabbing a fan, I had an idea and walked over to the stones.

They had a lot of standard gokes, along with black and white stones with them- Some were set up to go home, the stone already inside, and others had the gokes empty with the stones sealed in bags nearby. They also had colored stones, textured stones, big stones, little stones, magnet, travel sized go stones, There was one guy who stood behind a counter, looking bored, probably from lack of business, with several gokes open in front of him. I read the sign next to him: Calligraphy. After brief consideration, I walked over to him and told him what I wanted.

He looked surprised at my strong wording. After thinking it through, I told him I wanted four go stones, two the standard white, two the standard black. One them I would have him write 愛してる -Ai, shi,te,ru- 'I love you.' After we waited for him to carefully write the words on to each stone with a fancy g-pen I've only seen used on TV, I paid for them, tucked them away is a red gift tissue, and headed to pay for the fan. I didn't add any words to the fan- I briefly thought of forging Kurata's signature- And left. But there was one more thing I wanted to give Akira, and after a bit of complains from Mitani and Akari telling him to shush, we went to my grandpa's house.

"Oh, Hikaru.." He eyed my friends. "What brings you here?"

I shrugged. "Grandpa, you never got rid of that old goban in the attic, did you?"

"That haunted one?" He raised his eyebrows. "Hah, I wish! No one will buy the damn thing. You're the only one-"

"Who cares about it, I know. You said I could have it before, right? Can I still, grandpa?"

He let out a sigh and walked to the side, letting us in. I quickly slipped off my shoes and headed towards the attic.

I never really touched it to begin with. I had my own board, and even though Akira had some of his own I want him to have _this_ one. It was special to me, and I knew I could show him the sentiment, even without going into detail such as "I found this and a ghost shoved itself down my throat and then I fainted but then we became friends and I learned how to play go." Besides, I mean, I could always tell him it was the board Hon'inbo Shusaku died at. So I don't think there's any better present for me to give him.

Heading up to the attic, my grandfather must've rarely went up there, because it was dusty as all hell. I pulled out the board, ran my hand against it, and couldn't help myself but remissness about the past. Akira deserved this board, right? Sai would forgive me for giving it away. Especially if it was to my proclaimed eternal rival—also boyfriend. But Sai didn't stick around long enough for that to happen yet. Now, once I couldn't see the stains on the board, it looked like a normal go board—If now just a little dirty. But I could clean it. I hefted it up and carried it out, back toward Yuki and Akari at the door way, who were chatting politely with my grandpa. I pushed towards them. "Kay, let's go."

"You just came here to grab the board and leave? Nothing else? We could play a game," Grandpa offered.

"Maybe another time, Grandpa. Today's my gay lover's birthday." And then I left as quickly as I could, a confused Yuki and Akari at my tail.

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

Akira came to, blinking his eyes opening hesitantly, the winter sun casting its way down the floor and walls as the beams hung leisurely in the air.

Akira hadn't meant to fall asleep. It just sort of happened. They had a late morning- He and Hikaru, that is- And he could feel Hikaru scamper up the moment the boy's eyes had flickered to consciousness, scurrying out of his room and most likely down the hall. Akira had not cared at the moment, he was still sleepy. So he let his body relax until what seemed like moments later, Hikaru busted back inside, kicking him until he got up. Which he did, and they preceded downstairs.

Hikaru had decided to make Akira some breakfast. Probably for his birthday, he ventured, but his tired mind had yet to make the connection that it was _his_ birthday, the day he turned 16, and his parents weren't due back from China for another few days or so. It felt a little bland without them—They usually pampered Akira nicely on his birthday, well, his mother, at least. His father had yet to give him anything more than a small, "Happy Birthday, son," and a flinch inducing clamp on his shoulder ever since he was little. It didn't bother him, though, and he was sure having his boyfriend around for his birthday would be pretty exciting, especially being the first of a hopeful many. For Hikaru's birthday, a few months ago at this point, he had treated him to lunch at a fairly high caliber diner and then they headed out on the town. Even if they had been sleeping together at that point as well, Hikaru was still a little sensitive to Akira's touches, like trying to hold his hand or running his fingers over his cheek. Only in public, though. Akira himself had tried fairly well to get rid of his own hypersensitive-ness when it came to physical contact, which previously he never saw a reason to get a whole lot of, early on in their relationship. It wasn't until months together that his chest didn't tighten at a spontaneous clamp on his shoulder or hesitant holding of hands, though. He still had issues with it, now definitely- He flinched a lot and really would only offer stray brushes of hands on the go board with his rival, and lover. But he had tried desperately to keep his hands from touching while he played even Obata—And especially his father. So Akira never felt a need to touch Hikaru a lot in public anyway, but as he was happy for his birthday, he tried extra hard to be appealing, twitching his hand towards the others which he took only when others weren't there to see, even as strangers. As it came to less romantic things—Tugging on clothing, dragging by the arm across the street, Hikaru was generous as always in giving those things to Akira, even if he didn't particularly want them. After lunch, they went wherever Hikaru wanted, Akira's treat. They went ice skating, and even though Akira had never been and Hikaru didn't seem too keen on the experience himself, they had a lot of fun. Afterward Hikaru bought an entire season of anime and made Akira come home with him to watch it. It had reminded Akira of one of the events that leading to the conception of their relationship. There had been a fair bit of touching that night, to be vague. Akira had gotten some wine, after stealing it from an unsuspecting Ashiwara, who never noticed, the sucker. He turned off all the lights and carefully lit candles around the table, having a nice candle-lite dinner with the wine for the two of them. Akira himself was too tired out for the bedroom that night but the alcohol seemed to liven Hikaru up as if it were caffeine, so Akira had tiredly let Hikaru do whatever he wanted. It was his birthday, after all.

But Akira felt his was different. He felt awkward for making Hikaru go to any trouble of buying dinner or presents and lead him through a nice day. Caffeine, Akira thought. He could use some of that right now. After Hikaru's surprisingly... not completely terrible breakfast Akira and he talked on the couch, before Hikaru told him he had an errand to run, and left. Akira didn't really know what to do with himself—Well, he was still tired- And thought he could just review some kufus in waiting for his return. It had not worked at all, and his mind wandered, eye lids half open before he heard the phone ring. With a leisured search he found it, answering on what had to be one of the last rings.

"Hey brat," Ogata greeted—That was a nice greeting for him. If he knew anything he'd probably refrain from the word 'bastard,' but used that word generously, as a lot of other fairly colorful words. "Happy Birthday. You're so old, kid. I remember when you were _born,_ gah." The Juudan reminisced.

"That just means _you're_ old, Ogata." Akira replied simply.

"Ah, shut your mouth, kid. I could mention how _ugly_ a baby you were."

"Lies," Akira retorted. "I was like the cutest baby ever, haven't you seen the pictures?"

"Don't need to, I saw you in person. And let's just say, you were definitely uglier out of camera."

It was Akira's turn to tell the man to shut up.

"So anyway," Ogata let out a breath, the sound of static going through the phone. Akira had talked to him on the phone enough to recognize that as his taking-out-a-smoke static. "I just wanted to call. Your folks back yet?"

"They won't be for a more days, I believe."

"Oh, that's a shame. Missing their son's... How old are you again, kid?"

"Four squared," he replied softly, the Juudan pausing to do the math.

"Aw, whatever, kid. Don't get too wasted tonight."

"Of course. That's for New Years."

That made Ogata laugh. "Of course," he echoed, then hung up.

Within minutes Akira had fallen prey to the demon known as _Naps._

And that leads us to where Akira found himself now.

His phone was still in his lap, he curled up by the arm of the couch in an attempt to warm himself without a blanket, which he didn't have at his outright disposal. Though, his habit of wearing sweaters probably helped, so his coldness never became a problem while he slept. He checked the time of his phone as he stood up and got himself a nice hot cup of coffee that he so much deserved.

2:47. Why was Hikaru not back yet?

He knew this 'errand' he had to run must've had _something_ to do with his birthday, but Akira didn't know what could take almost 4 hours to complete. Maybe Hikaru was trying on lingerie for him. That'd be a sight, huh. Akira himself was pretty lax in the bedroom, not really nervous or embarrassed as he might've been the first few times. Still, he always tried to give in to Hikaru's wishes, so if Hikaru even asked Akira to do anything to him, the chances were he'd do it. One thing he would never do, though, was physically harm Hikaru. Even if it was part of an act or something, or Hikaru told him to _hurt_ him, Akira would _never_ try such an evil task.

He sipped his freshly brewed coffee in thought. Maybe Hikaru had actually forgotten it was his birthday... No, he had made him the breakfast, so he remembered the nonchalant piece of information from the previous day.

Akira sighed, brain out of ideas. Even though he was barley 16, he felt much older. He didn't go to high school and already had a job since 13. Your average 16 year old would not act this way, spending hours every day taping stones on a piece of wood, or talking to adults more than kids their own age. He chuckled to himself. There was one thing that made him like a normal teenage boy, though- And it was his sex drive. Granted, homosexual relationships weren't exactly considered 'normal,' either. But, as always, that never bothered Akira.

Akira had decided Hikaru had finally began his way back to Akira's home when his phone rang once more. The ride was probably long, so he might've been calling for when he would get back. Well, maybe Akira was getting paranoid. And lonely. He wanted his boyfriend. So he staggered back towards the living room, grabbing his phone and answering it without a second thought, pipping in a quick "Hikaru?" Instead of an initial 'hello.'

"Akira?" The voice asked. And it wasn't Hikaru. He thought it his mother, or father, maybe calling for his birthday, like Ogata- But it was a women, and not his mother. Ichikawa-san? No, younger, more vibrant. Less familiar with his name, like it didn't come naturally off her tongue.

"Who is this?" He swallowed hard, almost thinking he should've just hung up instead of affirming the question.

"Oh, well, I ju-" The girl had began, but paused, just as the keys had just unlocked the door. Shit.

"Uh..." Akira paused, trying to think of an excuse. "I'm not really free to talk right now. I'll call you back later, okay?" He didn't wait for an answer before he hung up, just as Hikaru opened the door.

Hikaru was holding a big, old wooden goban, with a red (surprisingly not yellow) gift box laid on top. He had this cute goofy grin on his face as he plopped down onto the wooden floor and clunked the board down in front of him. "Sorry I was late." He was still smiling. Akira just shook his head and sat down in front of him.

"It's no problem, I got a lot of sleep," he replied.

Hikaru smiled. "That's good. You're gonna need it." He laughed, tapping his finger anxiously on the board. Akira smiled a bit.

"So, what's all this?" He asked.

"Your _present_!" Hikaru pushed the box towards Akira, who took it gently, not yet opening it, to which Hikaru urged him.

After the opening was done and the wrapping was flung around, Akira found in the box was a fan and a few go stones, which didn't really make sense until Hikaru had arranged them in the correct order. Akira looked up at Hikaru and just stared at him for a moment, not sure what to say, and trying not to cry. At last he just took a deep breath and took Hikaru's hand, looking down at his present again and smiling a little.

"I love you too. I like this." He rolled the stones through his fingers. Hikaru just grinned.

Akira looked up at him. "So, there's the fan, the stones. Is the board just to complete the set, or...?"

Hikaru's grin widened. "Oh, this isn't any board," he tapped the wood and pushed it towards Akira slightly, who just gave him a quizzing look. He continued on. "This was the goban that got me interested in go, you could say."

Akira brushed his hand over it, gazing at it. He couldn't help but notice some sort of bruise in the wood in the corner, but every time he tried to look directly at it he saw nothing. So he elected to ignore it. "Really?" He asked.

Hikaru smiled and nodded. "Yup, without this board we wouldn't have met, and we never would've became rivals. Or lovers, for that matter." He laughed a bit at the last bit. Akira just kept his eyes on the board.

"And you're giving it to me?" He asked softly.

Hikaru's grin boiled into a warm smile. "Of course. I think you deserve it. I don't use it anyway, all it's done is collect dust. I don't know if you'll use it, but I want you to have it, you know?" He bit his lip, like he was getting nervous.

Akira pulled his gaze up and looked at his boyfriend, nodding slowly. "I... I really like this, Hikaru. Thanks. It really..." He made on a small smile and took his boyfriend's hand. "It means a lot."

Hikaru pulled him into a kiss.

After the gift giving Akira and Hikaru did a lot for his birthday, but nothing really stuck like that goban. The next day Akira had taken it and replaced his usual goban in his room with this one.

Later he stared at his phone, wrinkling his nose while he thought about calling the girl again. Instead he put it off, asking Hikaru again and again for another game of go. Eventually he got to it, when Hikaru had gone home and he had nothing else to do. So hesitantly, he decided to go and call back the number, when right then he got another call. For a moment, he thought it was the girl, but instead, his mother.

"Hey hun! We're coming back from China early! You'll probably be busy then, but we'll be back by tomorrow afternoon!"

At which time Akira would have to tell them their only son was moving out.


End file.
